Spiritually Ill

Well I did it. I said a prayer, sat down and wrote a six page letter to my real dad. Six pages, wow! I didn't know exactly what I would say. I ended up giving him a testimony to how God has changed me and given me the life I have now.
While writing, and then reading what I wrote, I am once again amazed at what He has done in my life. To think I made so many bad choices, and He has forgiven me for all of them. I can also look back and see where He's been there, even though I wasn't aware of it at the time. Like the times He kept me from harming myself or others, and even kept me from killing myself once, which had I been successful would have really hurt other people, my family and strangers. Not many people know that one, and I really can't believe I just said it. But there it is, I tried to kill myself by speeding through a stop sign twice onto a very busy road and then when that didn't work, onto a very busy interstate. What was I thinking? I really don't know. I was not in a good place.
A friend of mine used the words "spiritually ill" this week. What a great way to put it. I was spiritually ill for a long time. I'm on the road to recovery now. Being spiritually ill affects different people in different ways. Some turn to drugs or alcohol, food or sex. Some turn to doctors, thinking they need medication. Medication won't help a spiritual issue. In some cases, it can make things worse. If you are medicating yourself against the feelings you are having, then you can't know when God is speaking to you so that He can heal you. Only God can heal a spiritual issue. Only He has the ability to make you well again.
Having used many of those things to heal myself, or hide myself really, I get it. You do what you think you have to in order to forget, to check out or to make yourself feel better. The reality is, it doesn't work. It only makes you feel worse. I know, I have been there. I tried to cover my sins with more sins. It got to the point that I lived a lie, letting people see what I wanted them to see, and then telling myself that no one could see what I was doing. However, Someone could see what I was doing, and I was breaking His heart. You see, He loves us and He hurts when we are hurting ourselves. He is the only one who can help, and He wants to give us that help. Have you read the story of the Prodigal Son? It's in Luke, chapter 15, verse 11-32:

  And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”

We covered this in our Discipleship discussion this week. I've heard the story many times and read it several times. It never occurred to me what it meant. I AM the Prodigal Son!!!! So are you! We hurt God over and over again, running from Him, and then trying to "make a deal" with Him when we are hitting rock bottom. He loves us throughout it all, and is still there, waiting on us to turn back to Him. We didn't get it, so He ran after us, by sending His Son to take our sins because we couldn't do it on our own. Then He celebrates when we finally get it and come back to Him, seeking His forgiveness. How unbelievably awesome is our God? Even when we turn away, He still loves us and does what only He can to bring us back to Him.

So are you still running away from Him? Are you trying to do it all on your own, hiding yourself and medicating your spiritual illness? Then please turn around. Ask Him for forgiveness, and tell Him you realize you can't do it without Him. Ask Him to take over your life, and make you well again. He can and will help you. He loves you!!!