The Weight of Wait

 As  I 

W.  A.  I. T. 

With bated breath...

The 

W.  E.  I.  G.  H.  T.  

becomes unbearable. 

I catch myself 

And

R. E. L. E. A. S. E. 

This stifled breath 

I have been holding,

And 

B. R. E. A. T. H. E. 

In His goodness. 

He's got this, 

I remind myself,

And  

R. E. L.  E.  A.  S.  E.  

The stress of things 

I can't control. 

I  

B. R. E. A. T. H. E. 

In His presence

And the 

W. E. I. G. H. T. 

Becomes lighter. 

He sits with me

In my 

W. A. I. T. 

And 

It is

G. O. O. D.

I Can't Complain

 I can't complain

About the rain,

Though it's caused so damn much pain. 

I know His truth will always reign.

I can't complain 

About the rain. 

I can't complain

About His sheep,

And how His promises they just don't keep. 

I know His truth will still flow deep.

I can't complain

About His sheep. 

I can't complain

About this pain,

And how it comes again and again. 

I know His truth will never wane.

I can't complain 

About this pain. 

I can't complain 

About this life,

And how it's filled with so much strife.

I know His truth indeed saved my life. 

I can't complain

About this life.

I can't complain 

About this world,

And how they view this broken girl. 

I know in truth, I am His girl. 

I can't complain

About this world.

Dear Mom...

*a note from the author* 

I actually wrote this two years ago on Mother's Day, then shared it with my mom a few weeks later. I'm deciding to post it now, after writing another thing about my mom this week. It's been about 18 months since I saw my mother last. I have mourned the relationship, but God has done a mighty healing in me throughout all of this. I realized after discussing with some very wise women, that through my words, someone else may receive their healing as well. He has done an amazing work in me, and I hope He does the same for you, and for my Mom too. God is good, no matter what we face. He is good, no matter who breaks our heart. God is good, always.

I wonder if you see me? 

I wonder if you care?

Do you know how much you hurt me? 

Do you wonder why I'm not there? 

I want that perfect story, 

The mom that's always there. 

But every time you hurt me, 

I wonder why I care. 

I don't feel like you see me, 

I don't feel like I can share

All the ways I needed you, 

But you were just not there. 

You had your own wounds, 

Yes, this I understand. 

But I still cannot fathom 

The things you did for a man. 

Yes you made bad choices. 

It's something we all do..

But it seems now you can't handle 

Facing all these truths. 

Your children are angry, 

Your children are dismayed.

They do not understand how you justify 

Decisions that you've made. 

Now we're breaking curses, 

We're trying to make a way. 

Please Mom, won't you join the battle? 

Take up your cross and say.. 

My sin is mine to capture, 

To turn to Him and say, 

"God help me please. 

You're what we need. 

Help me overcome today. 

Break my chains, heal my name, 

And restore my soul today. 

Guide my way, bring me joy

And pass that to my children's children 

For all the rest of our days."

A Letter to My Mom...

It makes me sad to consider

The things that you will miss. 

Because you chose to walk away

And be a stone cold bish. 

We begged and we pleaded,

Hoping you would change. 

But you couldn't do it, 

Diving deeper into shame. 

We love you and need you, 

But you don't receive it. 

So we walk around now, 

Pretending not to grieve it. 

We miss our mother and grandmother, 

Or the one that we hope for..

But now it feels like

Yet another closed door. 

I just can't imagine, 

Simply walking away...

Missing out on graduations, weddings,

And your own milestone birthday....

The opportunity to celebrate

This beautiful life we've been given;

The chance to grow, to love,

And live like we've been forgiven. 

Because you are, Mom. 

Whether you choose to see it. 

You are loved and forgiven...

You just have to seek it.

He's right there waiting, 

And we are too...

Praying and hoping, 

But we can't do it for you. 

Your healing is yours, 

But you're His too. 

Turn to Him, mom, 

And know that He loves you. 

Missed Opportunity

 I need to be better

About following through..

Picking up the phone

And saying I love you. 

Reaching out to say

Hey I just said a prayer..

Just wanted you to know

That I'm always there. 

Thinking and hoping 

And praying for you..

Wanting the best

The Lord has for you. 

Instead I stay quiet

And try not to bother..

Keep to myself

And miss out on another

Opportunity He's given me

To show some Love..

To let someone know

He's there above. 

Watching and waiting

And guiding them through..

But I stay quiet

And miss out on You. 

The blessing and glory

Of sharing Your name..

The magical mystery 

Of no more shame..

A life lived for You

Each and every day..

Why oh why Lord, 

Do I block my own way?? 

The Trees

Sitting in the silence,

Listening to Your world

Sing about Your glory,

I know I'm such a blessed girl. 

The wind is roaring quietly,

The birds are singing sweet.

The rain is gently tapping 

A serene and peaceful beat. 

The world might be in chaos, 

And knocking at my door..

But in this precious moment,

You're in my neighborhood. 

I hear You in the animals, 

I hear You in the trees.

I hear You in the tiniest 

And gentlest of breeze. 

I know Your constant presence 

Is keeping me at peace,

But when I'm feeling lonely

I need only listen to the trees.

Me

 I look in the mirror, 

And what do I see? 

A woman struggling 

To just be me.

A me I don't know. 

A me I can't see.

A me I can be, 

Only because He...

Because He loves me,

In a way I can't see.. 

I can be me,  

A glorious me.

A me that's so happy, 

So full of dreams. 

A me moving mountains, 

A me that can breathe.

A me without hurts,

Without pains and strains.

A me who knows love, 

Again and again. 

A me that seeks Truth 

And all that it brings. 

A me who dances,

A me who sings. 

A me that knows 

My God loves me.

A me that is thankful

That He chose me.