Divine Confirmation

You know those days you question whether or not you are following God's will? You think you are doing what He wants, but you just aren't sure? You strive to do what He asks you, without questioning the why or how?

That would be how I've felt for a couple of months now. I know I am on the right path, but I question whether or not I have missed something. I don't want to find out later that I missed what He was telling me. I've second-guessed myself, questioned my trust, and prayed to Him.... saying, "God, you know I believe, but please help me in my un-belief!"

I got an answer today, and wow what an answer! Ben and I applied for the same job at the church. We both felt called to apply, although I really felt deep in my heart that it wasn't the answer we were looking for. I prayed about it for a while, and decided to apply and leave it up to God. We had lots of people praying for God's will to be done in this. Ben and I were both interviewed and both of us thought it went really really well. It was the most pleasant of job interviews, where I felt the Holy Spirit moving. That was last Tuesday. We've spent the week remaining in prayer, along with our prayer warriors.... and while we haven't been antsy, we have been very curious.

I got a call this afternoon to let me know neither of us had been chosen, and why. Through much prayer, they made the decision based on an overwhelming feeling that in hiring us for this position, they would be interfering in what God is doing in our lives, and that what He is doing is BIG. What a confirmation to what I've been feeling for some time now... I know He is at work, and I've been telling Ben and anyone else who would listen that I feel like it's something big. Real Big. Like I have no idea what it could be, but it's going to be awesome BIG. They could see and feel His presence in our lives, and even through the interview process. They really wanted to be able to offer it to one of us, but how can you question God? You can't. You accept what He is saying and wait and see what happens. This is where we have been for a while. He has done some absolutely AMAZING things throughout this period of absolute trust in Him. Do we doubt? Well, yeah, we're human. Don't get me wrong... we don't doubt Him. We doubt ourselves. We doubt our confidence in hearing Him and knowing what it is He is asking us to do.

 Our closest friends know what we've been feeling, so it was awesome to get confirmation from someone who doesn't know us that well. He told me that we are known for the ministry that we have for others. Not in that "Oh, look at me and what I'm doing" way, but in that "Look at what God is doing" way. How can you not feel completely stoked by something like that? I have thought a lot lately on whether or not my life is a biography or a testimony. I desperately want it to be a testimony to other people, because to me,  it is. I want people to look at me and say, "Whoa, God is working on and through her." "I want to know the Jesus she knows." "I want that kind of relationship with my Savior too." I don't want people to look at me and think I'm doing things so people will look at me... If you know me, you KNOW I'm the last person to want to stand up and say, hey look at me. I want my life and desires to reflect my Savior's. I want to see what He sees, hurt for what hurts Him, love who He loves. I want HIM to be proud of me. I yearn for that day when I get to heaven, to hear Him say, "well done, good and faithful servant." But it is nice to get that confirmation that I'm on the right track. That we are reflecting His glory. That everything we do, we do for Him, and it is touching others. Sometimes we need a little "atta boy". Sometimes we need to hear, Be confident in your closeness with Him, that you ARE hearing Him. And sometimes.... we need to know that other people are praying for us too... for our ministry, for our children, for our hearts to be forever open to Him. So this week I am thankful for divine confirmation, in a way I never expected.... for people who pray for us to heed His will... and for an understanding that no matter what I may think I want, God's way is ALWAYS better!

I can't wait to see what it is He has in store for us! I know in my heart it's going to be amazing!!

The Light

I was standing outside the other night, after the guys had put in a new fluorescent light bulb. It struck me as an interesting comparison to God's light. I'm not sure where this is going to go, but I'm going to give it a shot.

The light bulb starts out really dim. Then it slowly gets brighter, until it lights up the night like a beacon. The dark can be so overwhelming, but with the light you can see what's going on around you. It makes the sometimes scary night bearable.

When you are trapped in the dark of life, it seems scary. You search and search for what it means, what matters, and which way you should go. Sometimes we think we know what we want, only to find it isn't really what we need. Finally we pray. The light comes on, and at first it may seem a little dim. This is only because we don't understand fully what we are asking for. As we grow closer to Jesus, the light grows and grows..... until finally, we are surrounded by this lovely, bright light. The light of the love of our Heavenly Father is a beautiful thing. You see it in the people who are already following Him and sharing His love. It shines through them in the things they say, the things they do, and the life they live. The closer you get to Jesus, the more the light will shine through you, too.

So how do you find the light? It's almost as easy as turning on the light switch. You pray. You ask God to forgive you for your sins, and to enter your heart. He wants you to do this. He wants the people He created, that He knew before they were even born, to seek Him. Even when you've made really really bad choices, He still loves you and will forgive you. You just have to ask Him. After you've done this, then you continue to actively seek Him so that you can be closer to Him.

 By reading His Word and praying, you strive to follow His Will for not only you and your life, but His Will, period. The closer you get to Him, the closer you WANT to get to Him. You want everything that you do to honor Him. You want to be a lamp for Him, showing others that He is in your heart and you are in His. You begin to see the things He wants you to see, to do the things He wants you to do, and to live the way He wants you to live. Your eyes are opened to the things that hurt him... the homeless, the hurting, the lonely. You want to help them and to show them His love.

His love is a beautiful light. I know I said that but it bears repeating. And in repeating, there is light.

The Power of Prayer

Today after I got home from work, I was sitting on my couch, rewriting the script for our children's worship this weekend. All of a sudden, I got hit with excruciating pain in an area that you don't want to have that kind of pain. I made it to the bedroom with Ben's help, in tears. Every movement was agony. He prayed over me and sang hymns. I prayed with him silently in between cries. Jonah came in and prayed with him (which I have to say was the sweetest funniest moment.. every couple of lines, he'd say, "What Daddy? Ok...." and repeat what Ben said. Love my kids!!!) Anyway.... we prayed. Still in pain. Ben emailed our group and I texted a few of my closest prayer warriors and requested prayer. My pain was so bad that my prayer was "Please Lord, help me. Please." Over and over again.... It eased up enough after a couple of hours that I was finally able to come back into the living room. Still in pain, but not to the point that it was. I talked to a couple of my prayer warriors and they were continuing prayer. We continued praying.  Shel's boyfriend's parents called and we all got on speaker phone together. They have a prayer group on Wednesday nights, so they prayed over me and Shelley too (that knee injury) over the phone. Ben, Shelley and I huddled up together and prayed with them. It's now been a couple of hours, and I'm feeling much much better. That's the power of Prayer my friends!

I know it's hard for some people to understand what prayer is and what it can do. Prayer doesn't have to be a scripted, this is what you say each and every time. In fact, God likes it when we go off script. He appreciates it when we are ourselves and are talking to Him as we would a friend. Prayer can be a long rambling full of uh's and um's. It can be short and to the point. It can even be as little as "Please Lord, help" or groans and grunts. It can also be silence, where you ask Him to know... He does know. He just likes us to talk to Him. Prayer does that. It opens up the lines of communication between us and God. It's important in our walk with Him to be able to talk to Him. It draws us closer to Him and helps us to love Him more. He already loves us.

Prayer shouldn't be only when we want or need something either. When something amazing happens, tell Him how much you appreciate it. Let Him know you love Him too and are excited for the things He does in your life. Tell Him how wonderful the sunset is, or how beautiful that owl's call is. Tell what awesome beauty He created for us to enjoy, or how much you appreciate the fact that it's been a mild winter. Or... how wonderful it is to know the people He's brought into your life. You know the ones... your family, your church family, your prayer warriors, your people you go to when you need to talk to someone who gets the walk you're on... the people He brought into your life to help you get closer to Him. We all have them. He sees to it that we do.

You can also do it any time and any where... in your car, in your shower, when you wake up in the morning, when you are on lunch, when you go to bed. One of the best places to pray is in a quiet room, when it's just you and God. No distractions, no noise. Just you and your Savior... where you can hear Him and feel His love. It's awesome!!!

So please... pray. If you have never really gotten the hang of it, it can go something like this, "God, you know I don't know what to say. You know what I need. Help me Lord. Help me be closer to You and learn how to talk to You. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen." Easy, right? It is, and it only gets easier as you do it.