Graduation

Graduation. I am so not ready for this. I know, I've had eighteen years to prepare for this day, and I've known it was here all this year. Still. It's here, and I'm not ready.

I thought I would be. I've been excited, don't get me wrong. However, now that the day is here, I want to reverse the clock. I know that's not possible, so I guess I have to suck it up. I have to be ready for this. I have been praying about her and this, and God has given me some answers that hit me pretty hard.

Shelley is an amazing girl. She's tough, sweet, compassionate, loving... She has been through so much, and has turned out amazing. That's God at work in her life. You see, Shelley has me for a mom. If you are reading my posts, you already know that I was a messed up girl for a while. I made a lot of mistakes, with a child in tow. Stupid, stupid, stupid..... I know. I have worried that having me for a mom would mess her up. God showed me where He's been throughout her life, and how He's used my mistakes to create a wonderful young lady.

Here is Shelley's story:

She was born December 1993 to me, a 17 year old child. Her dad had gone to boot camp and flunked out. We broke up, and he started making some poor choices. However we put aside bad choices for the birth of our daughter. He was having some difficulties in his life and continued making bad choices. Those choices resulted in him being in and out of her life until she was 3, and then having no contact with her until she was 15. Shelley and I lived at my parents until she was 4, at which point I got married. Up until then, I was a mediocre mom. I did a great job (I think) of being a mom when I was home, but I also wanted to go out and be stupid. I did that a lot, and began the unhealthy relationship way that I would have for some time. Our marriage was not a fairy tale and ended very badly after only two years. The truth was the marriage was over almost before it began, and Shelley suffered from it. Then began four years of her mom making more stupid choices, having unhealthy relationships, and uncontrollable rage at times. We moved around a lot...around 20 times in her lifetime. We struggled to pay bills and I worked a lot of jobs that took me away from her. When we met Ben in 2004, her life changed completely. We had stability.... She had a dad who began to teach her so much, and a  mom who finally began to calm down.

This is what He has taught Shelley:

 Love everyone. Forgive, even when others tell you not to. Be strong, but flexible. I will help you when you falter.  Don't turn to drugs, alcohol and sex to fix what's wrong, turn to Me. Protect your heart. I have a husband picked out for you, and the men who are not him will only hurt your heart. Protect your chastity. It is a gift for your husband, and I created you to be together. A good man who follows me will love you as I have commanded. The things of this world are not important: nice cars, big houses, tons of cash. What matters is that you trust me to show you what I have planned for you. You love me enough to follow me through whatever the enemy throws at you. I will be there and I will protect you. You obey Me, even when you don't understand what I am asking of you. You continue to pray for your family, friends, and those you don't know but know they are in need. You continue to pray for strength, peace and discernment. You continue to pray for your husband up until and after I bring him to you. You teach your kids about Me. You continue to seek Me in everything, and I will bless you.

So my dear darling daughter, I pray for you every day. I pray for your future husband and children. I pray that you continue to seek our Father in everything that you do. I pray that you will continue on the amazing journey God has laid out for you, and that you do it with the same sweet strong nature you've always had. I cannot wait to see what He has laid before you. I know that He has planned something amazing, and that He will be with you every step of the way.  I will be here, praying hard, loving continually, cheering you on even when I have tears in my eyes. I am so proud of you. I am so happy that I didn't mess you up, and that God made you the wonderful person you are. I love you!!!