His Plan, Not Mine

I was doing the dishes by hand tonight, and was remembering how much I used to enjoy doing the dishes. Squirting the soap in while the hot water runs and watching it suds up... That first moment you put your hands in the water and feel all those tiny bubbles popping, and then the shock of the hot water on your hands. Losing yourself in the mindlessness of the task at hand, getting the task accomplished, and letting your mind go. Mine usually goes to a conversation with Papa. He and I have good talks over the simplicity of washing dishes. Or I sing... I sing praise and worship Him at the top of my lungs while I work away. Whatever happened to that daily joy? Well, this handy invention called the dish washer happened. I realized loading the dishwasher annoys me. It doesn't save me any time because I have to wash the dishes before it can wash the dishes.

Huh......

This got me to thinking... How many other "conveniences" have taken away my time with Papa? What am I missing out on by having the stuff that I have? What lessons could I learn by stepping out of my comfort zone and using my hands as my tools? Allowing Queen Mel to step down from her throne and serving not myself, but the One True King. I've been on a journey for a few months now of trying not to follow MY interpretation of His plan for me, and rather focusing on HIM. I have dropped out of ministries that I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of, I have cut out 80% of my responsibilities that I chose to have, and I have stopped doing. Period. I am focusing on my family and my home. I'm seeking the Joy He is showing me that's just around the corner. Part of the journey has also been in dealing with my excess. I hadn't realized how out of control things were until I read a book and God thumped me in the head! WE HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!!!! Our garage was full of things that I was saving for a garage sale. There was barely a path wide enough for one of the kids to get through. We were over run with toys, books, clothes, food, supplies, knick knacks, STUFF!!!! I can't walk through my house most of the time without feeling really really stressed out. In the middle of that journey, He's been talking to me about what I'm putting in my body. Candy and cokes, junk food, baking breads and cakes and cookies, pasta and red meat... Things that we thought we had made adjustments and doing ok at getting good nutrients. Little did I know... All of my health issues are directly related to the crap I put in my body and the stress of having an overstuffed house. Too much stuff, in all areas of our life.. too much doing, not enough living.

So where do I turn when I am trying to figure out what He's been saying to me? You guessed it.. The Word.

I found a few gems...

Jeremiah 33:6--  Behold, I will bring to it health and healing, and I will heal them and reveal to them abundance of prosperity and security. 

Psalm 100:2--  Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!

And this one... Matthew 25:21--  His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ 

And then there's this one, that is taken wrong so many times.... Proverbs 31:27-31--   She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:  “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,  but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.


I know some women won't agree with me, but I want to be a Proverbs 31 wife and mother. I haven't been anywhere close to that! (Ben and the kids may disagree with this statement, but I'm not downing myself, I have a point, so give me a chance haha!) I have been concerned with charm, with beauty and vanity. I have compared myself to other women and found myself lacking because I wasn't as "..." as they were. I have pushed myself to do more and be more and give and give and give of myself until I have left no time for the things most important to me--- My Father, my husband, and my kids. Yikes....

I haven't served my family with gladness. I have been so caught up in the stuff of the world, I have let down those closest to me. I haven't left time for them, to guide them and love them and SERVE them. But our wonderful awesome loving Savior is showing me His way. His way is less cluttered, but full of love. His way is less stressed, but prosperous. His way is making a difference already...

How did I figure all this out? It started with Sistas who speak Truth to me. You see, I had several Sistas tell me I was overdoing it. I was wearing myself out and I was missing what He was telling me. I was very upset. I thought I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. One night I was praying about it and He gave me this:

 REST-- rethink every step taken-- rethink every step (I'm) taking.. Let my steps be led by Him and Him alone, guiding me into that perfect peace only HE can give me. Renew my trust daily, and remember His way is always best. Realize that my ways are weakness personified, while His are strength personified....

I was somewhat confused, and needed more answers. Papa worked it out so that we spent an amazing weekend at Ben's moms, deep in the woods. I took a hike and came to a place that looked like the spot. I sat down, took a few deep breaths and opened my notebook. This is what He said to me:

Fork in the road, fork in the tree... It's time to make the changes I've been calling you to make. Time to put aside your ways and walk fully in mine. Time to be patient, to wait.. To serve your family as wholeheartedly as you serve others, for Me. Time to reflect, to appreciate your surroundings, the world I've set you in. It's time to let others take up their crosses and follow me, while you REST and follow me. It's time to pray, to listen. I've given you instructions, but you haven't been listening. You've still been following your own ways. I want others to see you following me, and for them to see how great my way is. The birds follow my design for them. I have a design for you too. Sit outside, be still with me. Listen to life around you. Appreciate the beauty around you. I am everywhere. In the places you go, in the faces you see. Don't be afraid to say no. Purge your life of all the excess-- stress, stuff, hurts. Let it all go. Go to work, but only once or twice a month. Stop serving everywhere else... CR, church, all your ministries.. I have other plans for Sonja and Alea. I have other plans for you. Seek me first, before saying yes to anything. Trust me to guide you in my plans. Find a place like this for your time with me.. quiet, surrounded by my creation. With Shelley, show her you love her, but let her go. Trust that I will be with her every step of the way. Be kind, treat her as a friend, not a child. Allow my Spirit to penetrate your relationship with her. Don't fill your days so full that you have no time to talk to me and miss out on what I have for you. Stop getting in your head and trying to figure it all out. Ask me. Allow me to heal you, all of you. Allow me to show you the beauty of this place, of these people around you. See everything with my eyes, not yours. See my beauty, even in the things that you see as ugly. There is beauty all around you, if you will just open your eyes to see it. Be patient with yourself. Change doesn't happen overnight. You will need my strength to get through it. You cannot do it alone. I'm asking a lot of you at once, but it WILL be worth it. My people will understand your no, because it is MY no. Remember that, and trust Me.

 So what does that mean for me? It means a whole lotta crap has been going out my doors in the last few weeks. It means I am rethinking everything... does this item really need to be here? Does this one even have a use? Do we really need 10,000 books? Or so many clothes and toys our rooms are bulging?  I am reorganizing everything in the house so that if it has a place, it can stay.. If it doesn't, out it goes. I'm eliminating stuff that's bad for us from our cabinets, and making more fresh, from scratch, hopefully organic meals. And throughout every room, every decision is to be placed before Him first. It means rethinking everything I do, and trusting that His way is the only way to live.

 How are we doing with it, you ask? Well.... I would love to say the changes have been met with open arms and that we are embracing a life style change of epic proportions. Alas, we are weak. Maybe I should capitilize that and say it again... WE ARE WEAK! We give in to our fleshy wants more than we would like to admit. Halloween happened last week... Therefore there's a metric ton of Halloween candy at my house right now. Stuff I shouldn't eat... Stuff I should just get rid of. Have I? No... Have I avoided it as much as I should? Uhmmm.... Noooooo. Not so much. Did I struggle with getting rid of dishes I love because my mother in law gave me pretty new ones? Sigh... yes, I did. For a few minutes at least, but then I remembered... Rethink everything. So I did, and everything was packed up quickly. Am I going to continue to disobey? I hope not, but I know I mess up and am tested on a daily basis....

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.   

James 1:2-4 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  

 In the meantime, I will try my best to live like this: 

Psalm 71:23 My lips will shout for joy, when I sing praises to you; my soul also, which you have redeemed. 

 You see... I also know Jesus loves me and the Holy Spirit dwells within me, and that if I will just slow down and enjoy the path He has laid before me and not try to take over... If I just trust. If I obey.... If I turn to His Word and seek only Him, He will be victorious through the changes He continues to make in me, and I will see His guidance, His love, and most of all... Him. 

If you find yourself reading this and thinking to yourself, "Hey, this is SO me!!!", I want to leave you with one last scripture. It's one of the scriptures that spoke to me, as if He whispered the words just to me. When I am in a funk of "I'm-not-worthy-I-can't-do-this-It's-too-hard!!" I remind myself of this.... 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

 He has a plan for me, and He has a plan for you, for all of us. He wants to give us hope and a future! You just have to call upon Him.. pray to Him... and He gives us this promise: HE WILL HEAR YOU. You just have to seek Him with your all of your heart... You have to love Him, and understand that He loves you... He, the Creator of all, loves you... as broken and cluttered and whatever your hangups are, HE LOVES YOU. He wants you to know that. Will you talk to Him, and find out for yourself? I certainly hope so, and that you get to experience all the Joy that He has for you....