Grace

I can't sleep. It's midnight, for the umpteenth day in a row. I don't know how many nights I've been struggling. I do know I look like a junkie who's been on a month long binge. Today I couldn't even have a short conversation without breaking down,  crying over absolutely nothing. The last couple of days, I've been filled with rage... Not towards someone or something, just angry. I have been trying to figure it all out. Why, when I have nothing to be mad or sad about, am I dramatically sad and mad? WHAT IS THIS?!?!?

Why is my flesh warring with me so badly? I get that we are cursed to have a week out of the month where things are just not fun, but that's never really been a thing for me. A movie might make me cry, or my kids might irritate me to no end, but I've never experienced the extremes I have in the last few weeks. And yeah, we quit smoking, but it's not bothering me. I haven't had a craving once, even when well-meaning friends offered to buy me a pack, thinking that was the problem. It's not, and that's a great thing... So what is it??? Why am I feeling so psycho crazy? What have I been missing?

I do know I have been surrounded by pain. I have friends whose grandma is fighting cancer. I have friends whose kids are sick. I have friends whose grandpa is having surgery. Friends who are loving on friends of theirs who lost their child, and friends loving on children who lost their parent. Friends who are struggling to make sense of divorce, job loss, illness, and death. Friends who are believers and friends who are not. Hurt and pain are not limited to one or the other. It falls on us all:

Matthew 5:45 says:  so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.


So how do you deal with the pain you are feeling, whether it's your own personal pain, or a sympathy/empathy for your friends? I feel my friends' pain, especially when I am weak. I feel helpless, because I know there is nothing in my power that I can do to help them. Not a thing. I can love them, and support them, but I can't help them. He is the only one who can. He is the only one. 

He knows what each of us are going through. He knows what each of us are feeling. He's going through it too, feeling it too. He hurts for what hurts us. He aches for what makes us ache. He knows all and sees all and experiences it all... And He feels it for all His children. Can you imagine what it must be like? To feel all the world's hurt, sin, anger, loss? I can't handle the hurt and pain in my own teeny tiny corner of the world!! Everything that you feel, everything that I feel, times everyone in this world.... All of it. He deals with it, and loves us anyway. 

Loves us, not because of all our crap. In SPITE of all our crap. Loves us, not because of something we do, but in SPITE of what we do. Think about that. Not because of, in spite of..... 
In spite of hate.
In spite of cruelty.
In spite of Lust. Gluttony. Idolatry. All the sins that are laid out in the Bible. Every single one. 

We do them all, every single day. 

Every. Single. Day. All of us. None of us are perfect. No, not one. Only Him.  Only He could not sin. Only He did not sin. He came, Himself because He knows we can't do it without Him. And He did it for all of our sins. Not yours. Not theirs. Ours. All of it. Because He loves us. Not me. Not you. All of us:  

Matthew 5:45 says:  so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

That, my friends, is grace.  Shining on all of us. Raining on all of us, the just and the unjust. A beautiful, beautiful gift that we don't deserve, that He gives freely. All because of Love...

So Love Him. Love others. Share in their pain, share in their joy. Love Him more than anything, and let others see you loving Him. Let your life honor Him, even in the icky nasty parts. Let His Son shine through you, even in the rain.