We walked outside tonight to see if we could see the meteor shower. We couldn't see them yet, but what we did see was amazing! A storm is rolling in, but it's still quite a distance away. The lightning was streaking across the sky, highlighting the clouds with this wonderful pinky-orange color, just on the horizon. As we sat there watching the show, I started thinking about how beautiful the storm can be.
Sometimes the storm is so harsh, we don't take a moment to enjoy the beauty that God creates in the midst of it. We are so engrossed in the pain and drama, we miss the little moments that are there just waiting on us.... Those moments that remind us that God is there, with us. He's always there, waiting on us to accept the love, mercy and peace that only He can bring to the storm. He wraps us in His love and guides us through the storm. He shows us the beauty in our surroundings if we just open our eyes to it.
How many times do you stop to see the beauty of your surroundings and thank God for them? I know, it can be hard when life is going reasonably well. Add a storm, and it can be pretty darn close to impossible. It causes us to focus only on the storm, and not on anything good. God has created so many wonderful things. Do you really want to miss them? No, you want to enjoy the beauty He created. He speaks to us in the beauty of every day as well as in the storm.
So look around you. Notice the beauty that God has created for us to enjoy, and praise Him for it. Listen to the birds, the bugs, the wind, the rain, and the thunder. Smell the flowers, the grass, the dirt and the rain. Focus on the beauty of the trees, the flowers and the sky. Listen to God as He speaks to you... even in the storm. Especially in the storm.....
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Whoa....
Wow, it's been a while since I wrote. It's been a time of revelation and discovery. God has revealed Himself to me in big ways, and this week has been no different, and absolutely amazing!
A few months ago, I joined a Step Study with Celebrate Recovery. We work through the Bible, answer some deeply personal questions, and seek forgiveness for our hurts, habits, and hangups. I was pretty sure I had dealt with all of my HHH's before, but I also knew He wanted me in this study. I hadn't figured out the why, but knew that in being obedient, He would show me. And boy, did He show me!!! A couple of weeks ago, I began having dreams of rebuilding old dilapidated homes, which is a dream of mine, so I really didn't think anything about it. Other than, "cool dreams" and "man, I really wanna do that!"
Well, silly me, I should have been paying better attention, because when I didn't get the message, He came back with this: Ben, the kids, and I were at my grandma's house, while she was alive (which, she died when I was pregnant with Alaia, so this was a really sweet part of my dream). We were rebuilding her house, pulling stuff out of walls and putting up new walls, painting and cleaning and making it wonderfully new again. I woke up amazed, sad, happy, and confused. Was He telling me we were supposed to move back home to Louisiana and somehow live in Grandma's house? I really didn't think so, because He has me so involved in many things here. I talked to Ben about it, and he suggested I do the one thing I should have already done... yeah, you guessed it... PRAY. Silly me, once again. So I prayed about it most of the day, until finally He showed me what the dream was about. He's rebuilding ME, from my foundation, the ground floor up. Whoa. I mean, WHOA. What an awesome way to show me what the Step Study is all about. The same week, in a different class, I discovered that I am not the Spiritual Baby I thought I was, but am actually well on the way to being a Spiritual Parent! This brought on another Whoa.
This week, during our Step Study discussion time, I realized what He is wanting me to work on. I have given Him all the crap from my past, but I haven't really given Him ME. I haven't let go of the insecurities and self confidence issues I have maintained throughout my life. The next night, I met with my sponsor, and we talked about these issues. She anointed me with oil and prayed over me. As she was praying, I saw all those words-- Fear, Shame, and Doubt-- rise up in my head and burst into a million pieces. Then I saw TRUST rise up and become a wall. After that amazing vision, she washed my feet of the dust of my past. Oh my God, my Lord, thank you!!!!!! Thank you for giving me trust and taking away all the pain that I haven't let go of!
Tonight, during the teaching, they asked that we write down the sin we have been holding on to. I was so happy to sit there, knowing I had given it all to Him already. The only things I have left are the sins that are based on lies I believed forever... and I've already given those to Him. There is nothing left but FREEDOM. Freedom to pursue Him with nothing holding me back. I am ready to be the woman He sees in me. I am happy to be FREE. I AM HAPPY!!!!
And you know, truthfully, He took my sins from me when He nailed them to the cross. For me. For you. For all of us. Our sin is heavy, but our God is strong. He is bigger than any sin, and He has already forgiven us for them... while we were STILL sinners. How awesome is our God? He took our sin. He sent His Son because He knew we couldn't do it alone. We couldn't give up on our sinful natures without Him. He LOVES us. ALL of us. When we refuse to receive Him and His blessing of removing our sin, what are we thinking?? He is our champion. He is our Savior. Have you received Him? If not, don't you think it's time?
A few months ago, I joined a Step Study with Celebrate Recovery. We work through the Bible, answer some deeply personal questions, and seek forgiveness for our hurts, habits, and hangups. I was pretty sure I had dealt with all of my HHH's before, but I also knew He wanted me in this study. I hadn't figured out the why, but knew that in being obedient, He would show me. And boy, did He show me!!! A couple of weeks ago, I began having dreams of rebuilding old dilapidated homes, which is a dream of mine, so I really didn't think anything about it. Other than, "cool dreams" and "man, I really wanna do that!"
Well, silly me, I should have been paying better attention, because when I didn't get the message, He came back with this: Ben, the kids, and I were at my grandma's house, while she was alive (which, she died when I was pregnant with Alaia, so this was a really sweet part of my dream). We were rebuilding her house, pulling stuff out of walls and putting up new walls, painting and cleaning and making it wonderfully new again. I woke up amazed, sad, happy, and confused. Was He telling me we were supposed to move back home to Louisiana and somehow live in Grandma's house? I really didn't think so, because He has me so involved in many things here. I talked to Ben about it, and he suggested I do the one thing I should have already done... yeah, you guessed it... PRAY. Silly me, once again. So I prayed about it most of the day, until finally He showed me what the dream was about. He's rebuilding ME, from my foundation, the ground floor up. Whoa. I mean, WHOA. What an awesome way to show me what the Step Study is all about. The same week, in a different class, I discovered that I am not the Spiritual Baby I thought I was, but am actually well on the way to being a Spiritual Parent! This brought on another Whoa.
This week, during our Step Study discussion time, I realized what He is wanting me to work on. I have given Him all the crap from my past, but I haven't really given Him ME. I haven't let go of the insecurities and self confidence issues I have maintained throughout my life. The next night, I met with my sponsor, and we talked about these issues. She anointed me with oil and prayed over me. As she was praying, I saw all those words-- Fear, Shame, and Doubt-- rise up in my head and burst into a million pieces. Then I saw TRUST rise up and become a wall. After that amazing vision, she washed my feet of the dust of my past. Oh my God, my Lord, thank you!!!!!! Thank you for giving me trust and taking away all the pain that I haven't let go of!
Tonight, during the teaching, they asked that we write down the sin we have been holding on to. I was so happy to sit there, knowing I had given it all to Him already. The only things I have left are the sins that are based on lies I believed forever... and I've already given those to Him. There is nothing left but FREEDOM. Freedom to pursue Him with nothing holding me back. I am ready to be the woman He sees in me. I am happy to be FREE. I AM HAPPY!!!!
And you know, truthfully, He took my sins from me when He nailed them to the cross. For me. For you. For all of us. Our sin is heavy, but our God is strong. He is bigger than any sin, and He has already forgiven us for them... while we were STILL sinners. How awesome is our God? He took our sin. He sent His Son because He knew we couldn't do it alone. We couldn't give up on our sinful natures without Him. He LOVES us. ALL of us. When we refuse to receive Him and His blessing of removing our sin, what are we thinking?? He is our champion. He is our Savior. Have you received Him? If not, don't you think it's time?
Monday, May 28, 2012
Calling All Prayer Warriors!!!
I've been laying in bed for the last hour, recovering from a migraine and praying. I wasn't going to get up to write because of said migraine, but when the Lord tells you to move.... well, you move, right? So here I am.
I've written before about living by faith. It's a struggle, sometimes daily, to do so. Since October 2010.... well, really since December 2009, God has been teaching us to trust Him. You see, Ben was fired from a good paying job then. Exactly forty days later, he found another job, with a restaurant that ended up closing in October 2010. That job paid a lot less than the first one, and we learned how to make do, along with the blessings God sent our way periodically. They always happened at just the right time. After that restaurant closed, he started drawing unemployment and went back to school. As you may know, unemployment is a lot less money. So we learned to live on even less. God sent us more blessings, always at just the right time. We have trusted, some days probably not as much as we should, but still, we trusted. We sort of believed that the job situation would be resolved at just the right time, probably when unemployment ran out. Ben has been looking for a new job the entire time he's been going to school, but nothing has come up. He has actually come close to getting a job a couple of times, but for some reason or the other, it didn't happen. So we trusted, and kept believing that the new job would happen when unemployment ran out.
Well.... unemployment ran out about a month ago. He's been working a temporary part time job, but it ends next week and hasn't been enough to cover our basic needs. So here it is, a month past what we thought was going to be the big "Yay, God, thank you for bringing him a good job" moment. Our prayer for us tonight was a way to cover rent, which is due this week. Basically we need a miracle of epic proportions. We've prayed for direction and discernment in regards to what we are supposed to be doing but have yet to receive any kind of clarity.
It's a scary thing to think that we might be homeless in a week. However, we still trust. We know that He has a plan for us. We know that He will reveal that plan in His perfect timing. I think if you have been following my blogs, you know that the following two verses are ones we rest on:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
So we are resting heavily this week on the promise of those two verses. We know that He has a plan, and we know that He will reveal it. However, we need prayer support from our friends. As I am writing this, so many others whom I have been praying for also came to mind. I must admit to having a hard time praying for our needs when there are so many of my friends who have greater needs.
So here are their prayer needs as well......
Friend Number One needs prayer for her family and in particular her 20 year old son, who just moved to Springfield without a car, job, or home, in the hopes he can restart his life fresh in Jesus' care.
Friend Number Two's husband also lost his job. He has been laid off three times in the last ten or so years, and they are ready for a permanent position that will meet their needs.
Friend Number Three is three months behind on their mortgage payment, and are struggling to figure out what they are to do. They are also under a constant barrage of spiritual attacks by way of illnesses, stress, and other such problems. They need a respite from the enemy and answers on what their next step is!
Friend Number Four just lost custody of her children. She is going to school to make a better life for them and now has to pay child support too. She has no idea how she is going to make all the ends meet.
Friend Number Five's husband just left in a very hurtful fashion. He is under a direct spiritual attack, and satan is winning. She and her kids are struggling to stay afloat in a flood of emotional, spiritual and financial distress.
Friend Number Six just lost their three month old baby to SIDS. He was with a babysitter at the time, so the parents and babysitter as well as a host of family and friends need prayer.
Friend Number Seven just found out her parents may be divorcing after over thirty years of marriage. She herself has been divorced and is worried about the effects on her siblings and the grandchildren. Satan at work on another long term marriage.
Friend Number Eight is pregnant with her third child and is having some complications. She is actually due in a few weeks, but baby may be here sooner. Her oldest, who is seven, also has a strange knot on his cheek and they are having to see a specialist tomorrow to figure out what is going on.
So, all you prayer warriors out there, please pray. Pray for these friends, for us, and for your friends and family as well. We need to cover all of our friends, family and even those we don't know, with prayer. We need to fight the spiritual battles the only way that works: prayer and trust. All of us, together with our Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, can do battle and lessen satan's impact on our earthly world, simply by creating a united frontline of prayer.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Please leave comments with your own prayer requests. I, and the other readers, would be honored to lift your friends and family up as well.
I've written before about living by faith. It's a struggle, sometimes daily, to do so. Since October 2010.... well, really since December 2009, God has been teaching us to trust Him. You see, Ben was fired from a good paying job then. Exactly forty days later, he found another job, with a restaurant that ended up closing in October 2010. That job paid a lot less than the first one, and we learned how to make do, along with the blessings God sent our way periodically. They always happened at just the right time. After that restaurant closed, he started drawing unemployment and went back to school. As you may know, unemployment is a lot less money. So we learned to live on even less. God sent us more blessings, always at just the right time. We have trusted, some days probably not as much as we should, but still, we trusted. We sort of believed that the job situation would be resolved at just the right time, probably when unemployment ran out. Ben has been looking for a new job the entire time he's been going to school, but nothing has come up. He has actually come close to getting a job a couple of times, but for some reason or the other, it didn't happen. So we trusted, and kept believing that the new job would happen when unemployment ran out.
Well.... unemployment ran out about a month ago. He's been working a temporary part time job, but it ends next week and hasn't been enough to cover our basic needs. So here it is, a month past what we thought was going to be the big "Yay, God, thank you for bringing him a good job" moment. Our prayer for us tonight was a way to cover rent, which is due this week. Basically we need a miracle of epic proportions. We've prayed for direction and discernment in regards to what we are supposed to be doing but have yet to receive any kind of clarity.
It's a scary thing to think that we might be homeless in a week. However, we still trust. We know that He has a plan for us. We know that He will reveal that plan in His perfect timing. I think if you have been following my blogs, you know that the following two verses are ones we rest on:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
So we are resting heavily this week on the promise of those two verses. We know that He has a plan, and we know that He will reveal it. However, we need prayer support from our friends. As I am writing this, so many others whom I have been praying for also came to mind. I must admit to having a hard time praying for our needs when there are so many of my friends who have greater needs.
So here are their prayer needs as well......
Friend Number One needs prayer for her family and in particular her 20 year old son, who just moved to Springfield without a car, job, or home, in the hopes he can restart his life fresh in Jesus' care.
Friend Number Two's husband also lost his job. He has been laid off three times in the last ten or so years, and they are ready for a permanent position that will meet their needs.
Friend Number Three is three months behind on their mortgage payment, and are struggling to figure out what they are to do. They are also under a constant barrage of spiritual attacks by way of illnesses, stress, and other such problems. They need a respite from the enemy and answers on what their next step is!
Friend Number Four just lost custody of her children. She is going to school to make a better life for them and now has to pay child support too. She has no idea how she is going to make all the ends meet.
Friend Number Five's husband just left in a very hurtful fashion. He is under a direct spiritual attack, and satan is winning. She and her kids are struggling to stay afloat in a flood of emotional, spiritual and financial distress.
Friend Number Six just lost their three month old baby to SIDS. He was with a babysitter at the time, so the parents and babysitter as well as a host of family and friends need prayer.
Friend Number Seven just found out her parents may be divorcing after over thirty years of marriage. She herself has been divorced and is worried about the effects on her siblings and the grandchildren. Satan at work on another long term marriage.
Friend Number Eight is pregnant with her third child and is having some complications. She is actually due in a few weeks, but baby may be here sooner. Her oldest, who is seven, also has a strange knot on his cheek and they are having to see a specialist tomorrow to figure out what is going on.
So, all you prayer warriors out there, please pray. Pray for these friends, for us, and for your friends and family as well. We need to cover all of our friends, family and even those we don't know, with prayer. We need to fight the spiritual battles the only way that works: prayer and trust. All of us, together with our Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, can do battle and lessen satan's impact on our earthly world, simply by creating a united frontline of prayer.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Please leave comments with your own prayer requests. I, and the other readers, would be honored to lift your friends and family up as well.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Love the Sinner
Hate the sin, love the sinner. How many times have you heard that? Do you believe it? I know it's hard to do. We live in a world full of people who say, "I hate....." The listed things are usually a person and not the sin. This is not living according to what the Bible says, which is:
Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:9-10
Do you know people who are sinning? Why, yes you do. No, not your neighbor, friend, etc.... Look in the mirror. You are a sinner. Too many people are so busy looking at what others are doing, they often miss their own sins. Matthew 7 talks about this:
Judge not, that you not be judged. For with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
You see, we are all sinners. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. None of us have the right to judge others, because we all have our own logs to deal with. The only one who can judge us is blameless. He came to earth to take on our sins because we could not, and quite possibly would not, deal with them ourselves. He was sinless. He was perfect. We are not. We will struggle to love the sinner, but He loved us, in spite of our sins. He knew that we were unable to stop sinning, and He chose to love us anyway.
How dare we not do this simple thing? Love the sinner. Love everyone. Even those we judge not worthy. In His eyes, we are all worthy of love. He proved this by dying on the cross, for ALL of our sins: lust (porn, adultery, sexuality), gluttony (overeating), greed (love of money and possessions), sloth (laziness), wrath (rage, war), envy, and pride. NONE of us have the right to judge. Not one.
So.... love each other. Don't just pretend. Really love them. Do what God told us to do!!!
Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:9-10
Do you know people who are sinning? Why, yes you do. No, not your neighbor, friend, etc.... Look in the mirror. You are a sinner. Too many people are so busy looking at what others are doing, they often miss their own sins. Matthew 7 talks about this:
Judge not, that you not be judged. For with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
You see, we are all sinners. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. None of us have the right to judge others, because we all have our own logs to deal with. The only one who can judge us is blameless. He came to earth to take on our sins because we could not, and quite possibly would not, deal with them ourselves. He was sinless. He was perfect. We are not. We will struggle to love the sinner, but He loved us, in spite of our sins. He knew that we were unable to stop sinning, and He chose to love us anyway.
How dare we not do this simple thing? Love the sinner. Love everyone. Even those we judge not worthy. In His eyes, we are all worthy of love. He proved this by dying on the cross, for ALL of our sins: lust (porn, adultery, sexuality), gluttony (overeating), greed (love of money and possessions), sloth (laziness), wrath (rage, war), envy, and pride. NONE of us have the right to judge. Not one.
So.... love each other. Don't just pretend. Really love them. Do what God told us to do!!!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Graduation
Graduation. I am so not ready for this. I know, I've had eighteen years to prepare for this day, and I've known it was here all this year. Still. It's here, and I'm not ready.
I thought I would be. I've been excited, don't get me wrong. However, now that the day is here, I want to reverse the clock. I know that's not possible, so I guess I have to suck it up. I have to be ready for this. I have been praying about her and this, and God has given me some answers that hit me pretty hard.
Shelley is an amazing girl. She's tough, sweet, compassionate, loving... She has been through so much, and has turned out amazing. That's God at work in her life. You see, Shelley has me for a mom. If you are reading my posts, you already know that I was a messed up girl for a while. I made a lot of mistakes, with a child in tow. Stupid, stupid, stupid..... I know. I have worried that having me for a mom would mess her up. God showed me where He's been throughout her life, and how He's used my mistakes to create a wonderful young lady.
Here is Shelley's story:
She was born December 1993 to me, a 17 year old child. Her dad had gone to boot camp and flunked out. We broke up, and he started making some poor choices. However we put aside bad choices for the birth of our daughter. He was having some difficulties in his life and continued making bad choices. Those choices resulted in him being in and out of her life until she was 3, and then having no contact with her until she was 15. Shelley and I lived at my parents until she was 4, at which point I got married. Up until then, I was a mediocre mom. I did a great job (I think) of being a mom when I was home, but I also wanted to go out and be stupid. I did that a lot, and began the unhealthy relationship way that I would have for some time. Our marriage was not a fairy tale and ended very badly after only two years. The truth was the marriage was over almost before it began, and Shelley suffered from it. Then began four years of her mom making more stupid choices, having unhealthy relationships, and uncontrollable rage at times. We moved around a lot...around 20 times in her lifetime. We struggled to pay bills and I worked a lot of jobs that took me away from her. When we met Ben in 2004, her life changed completely. We had stability.... She had a dad who began to teach her so much, and a mom who finally began to calm down.
This is what He has taught Shelley:
Love everyone. Forgive, even when others tell you not to. Be strong, but flexible. I will help you when you falter. Don't turn to drugs, alcohol and sex to fix what's wrong, turn to Me. Protect your heart. I have a husband picked out for you, and the men who are not him will only hurt your heart. Protect your chastity. It is a gift for your husband, and I created you to be together. A good man who follows me will love you as I have commanded. The things of this world are not important: nice cars, big houses, tons of cash. What matters is that you trust me to show you what I have planned for you. You love me enough to follow me through whatever the enemy throws at you. I will be there and I will protect you. You obey Me, even when you don't understand what I am asking of you. You continue to pray for your family, friends, and those you don't know but know they are in need. You continue to pray for strength, peace and discernment. You continue to pray for your husband up until and after I bring him to you. You teach your kids about Me. You continue to seek Me in everything, and I will bless you.
So my dear darling daughter, I pray for you every day. I pray for your future husband and children. I pray that you continue to seek our Father in everything that you do. I pray that you will continue on the amazing journey God has laid out for you, and that you do it with the same sweet strong nature you've always had. I cannot wait to see what He has laid before you. I know that He has planned something amazing, and that He will be with you every step of the way. I will be here, praying hard, loving continually, cheering you on even when I have tears in my eyes. I am so proud of you. I am so happy that I didn't mess you up, and that God made you the wonderful person you are. I love you!!!
I thought I would be. I've been excited, don't get me wrong. However, now that the day is here, I want to reverse the clock. I know that's not possible, so I guess I have to suck it up. I have to be ready for this. I have been praying about her and this, and God has given me some answers that hit me pretty hard.
Shelley is an amazing girl. She's tough, sweet, compassionate, loving... She has been through so much, and has turned out amazing. That's God at work in her life. You see, Shelley has me for a mom. If you are reading my posts, you already know that I was a messed up girl for a while. I made a lot of mistakes, with a child in tow. Stupid, stupid, stupid..... I know. I have worried that having me for a mom would mess her up. God showed me where He's been throughout her life, and how He's used my mistakes to create a wonderful young lady.
Here is Shelley's story:
She was born December 1993 to me, a 17 year old child. Her dad had gone to boot camp and flunked out. We broke up, and he started making some poor choices. However we put aside bad choices for the birth of our daughter. He was having some difficulties in his life and continued making bad choices. Those choices resulted in him being in and out of her life until she was 3, and then having no contact with her until she was 15. Shelley and I lived at my parents until she was 4, at which point I got married. Up until then, I was a mediocre mom. I did a great job (I think) of being a mom when I was home, but I also wanted to go out and be stupid. I did that a lot, and began the unhealthy relationship way that I would have for some time. Our marriage was not a fairy tale and ended very badly after only two years. The truth was the marriage was over almost before it began, and Shelley suffered from it. Then began four years of her mom making more stupid choices, having unhealthy relationships, and uncontrollable rage at times. We moved around a lot...around 20 times in her lifetime. We struggled to pay bills and I worked a lot of jobs that took me away from her. When we met Ben in 2004, her life changed completely. We had stability.... She had a dad who began to teach her so much, and a mom who finally began to calm down.
This is what He has taught Shelley:
Love everyone. Forgive, even when others tell you not to. Be strong, but flexible. I will help you when you falter. Don't turn to drugs, alcohol and sex to fix what's wrong, turn to Me. Protect your heart. I have a husband picked out for you, and the men who are not him will only hurt your heart. Protect your chastity. It is a gift for your husband, and I created you to be together. A good man who follows me will love you as I have commanded. The things of this world are not important: nice cars, big houses, tons of cash. What matters is that you trust me to show you what I have planned for you. You love me enough to follow me through whatever the enemy throws at you. I will be there and I will protect you. You obey Me, even when you don't understand what I am asking of you. You continue to pray for your family, friends, and those you don't know but know they are in need. You continue to pray for strength, peace and discernment. You continue to pray for your husband up until and after I bring him to you. You teach your kids about Me. You continue to seek Me in everything, and I will bless you.
So my dear darling daughter, I pray for you every day. I pray for your future husband and children. I pray that you continue to seek our Father in everything that you do. I pray that you will continue on the amazing journey God has laid out for you, and that you do it with the same sweet strong nature you've always had. I cannot wait to see what He has laid before you. I know that He has planned something amazing, and that He will be with you every step of the way. I will be here, praying hard, loving continually, cheering you on even when I have tears in my eyes. I am so proud of you. I am so happy that I didn't mess you up, and that God made you the wonderful person you are. I love you!!!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Spiritually Ill
Well I did it. I said a prayer, sat down and wrote a six page letter to my real dad. Six pages, wow! I didn't know exactly what I would say. I ended up giving him a testimony to how God has changed me and given me the life I have now.
While writing, and then reading what I wrote, I am once again amazed at what He has done in my life. To think I made so many bad choices, and He has forgiven me for all of them. I can also look back and see where He's been there, even though I wasn't aware of it at the time. Like the times He kept me from harming myself or others, and even kept me from killing myself once, which had I been successful would have really hurt other people, my family and strangers. Not many people know that one, and I really can't believe I just said it. But there it is, I tried to kill myself by speeding through a stop sign twice onto a very busy road and then when that didn't work, onto a very busy interstate. What was I thinking? I really don't know. I was not in a good place.
A friend of mine used the words "spiritually ill" this week. What a great way to put it. I was spiritually ill for a long time. I'm on the road to recovery now. Being spiritually ill affects different people in different ways. Some turn to drugs or alcohol, food or sex. Some turn to doctors, thinking they need medication. Medication won't help a spiritual issue. In some cases, it can make things worse. If you are medicating yourself against the feelings you are having, then you can't know when God is speaking to you so that He can heal you. Only God can heal a spiritual issue. Only He has the ability to make you well again.
Having used many of those things to heal myself, or hide myself really, I get it. You do what you think you have to in order to forget, to check out or to make yourself feel better. The reality is, it doesn't work. It only makes you feel worse. I know, I have been there. I tried to cover my sins with more sins. It got to the point that I lived a lie, letting people see what I wanted them to see, and then telling myself that no one could see what I was doing. However, Someone could see what I was doing, and I was breaking His heart. You see, He loves us and He hurts when we are hurting ourselves. He is the only one who can help, and He wants to give us that help. Have you read the story of the Prodigal Son? It's in Luke, chapter 15, verse 11-32:
And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”
We covered this in our Discipleship discussion this week. I've heard the story many times and read it several times. It never occurred to me what it meant. I AM the Prodigal Son!!!! So are you! We hurt God over and over again, running from Him, and then trying to "make a deal" with Him when we are hitting rock bottom. He loves us throughout it all, and is still there, waiting on us to turn back to Him. We didn't get it, so He ran after us, by sending His Son to take our sins because we couldn't do it on our own. Then He celebrates when we finally get it and come back to Him, seeking His forgiveness. How unbelievably awesome is our God? Even when we turn away, He still loves us and does what only He can to bring us back to Him.
So are you still running away from Him? Are you trying to do it all on your own, hiding yourself and medicating your spiritual illness? Then please turn around. Ask Him for forgiveness, and tell Him you realize you can't do it without Him. Ask Him to take over your life, and make you well again. He can and will help you. He loves you!!!
While writing, and then reading what I wrote, I am once again amazed at what He has done in my life. To think I made so many bad choices, and He has forgiven me for all of them. I can also look back and see where He's been there, even though I wasn't aware of it at the time. Like the times He kept me from harming myself or others, and even kept me from killing myself once, which had I been successful would have really hurt other people, my family and strangers. Not many people know that one, and I really can't believe I just said it. But there it is, I tried to kill myself by speeding through a stop sign twice onto a very busy road and then when that didn't work, onto a very busy interstate. What was I thinking? I really don't know. I was not in a good place.
A friend of mine used the words "spiritually ill" this week. What a great way to put it. I was spiritually ill for a long time. I'm on the road to recovery now. Being spiritually ill affects different people in different ways. Some turn to drugs or alcohol, food or sex. Some turn to doctors, thinking they need medication. Medication won't help a spiritual issue. In some cases, it can make things worse. If you are medicating yourself against the feelings you are having, then you can't know when God is speaking to you so that He can heal you. Only God can heal a spiritual issue. Only He has the ability to make you well again.
Having used many of those things to heal myself, or hide myself really, I get it. You do what you think you have to in order to forget, to check out or to make yourself feel better. The reality is, it doesn't work. It only makes you feel worse. I know, I have been there. I tried to cover my sins with more sins. It got to the point that I lived a lie, letting people see what I wanted them to see, and then telling myself that no one could see what I was doing. However, Someone could see what I was doing, and I was breaking His heart. You see, He loves us and He hurts when we are hurting ourselves. He is the only one who can help, and He wants to give us that help. Have you read the story of the Prodigal Son? It's in Luke, chapter 15, verse 11-32:
And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”
We covered this in our Discipleship discussion this week. I've heard the story many times and read it several times. It never occurred to me what it meant. I AM the Prodigal Son!!!! So are you! We hurt God over and over again, running from Him, and then trying to "make a deal" with Him when we are hitting rock bottom. He loves us throughout it all, and is still there, waiting on us to turn back to Him. We didn't get it, so He ran after us, by sending His Son to take our sins because we couldn't do it on our own. Then He celebrates when we finally get it and come back to Him, seeking His forgiveness. How unbelievably awesome is our God? Even when we turn away, He still loves us and does what only He can to bring us back to Him.
So are you still running away from Him? Are you trying to do it all on your own, hiding yourself and medicating your spiritual illness? Then please turn around. Ask Him for forgiveness, and tell Him you realize you can't do it without Him. Ask Him to take over your life, and make you well again. He can and will help you. He loves you!!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Obedience
I have learned not to say "I can't...." or "I could never.......". That's just asking for it. In fact, that's how this blog came about. I said I couldn't, and totally discounted that He can and will. So here we are. I'm writing a blog.
Last week, He told me to write more. He gave me an idea and reminded me of the things I used to dream about that I thought I couldn't do. When I was a teenager I wanted to be a writer. Then I became a mom at the ripe old age of seventeen, and all my wants flew out the window. Once upon a time, I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if I was a proofreader? Then I would get paid to read books!!!" Which I suppose I should tell you, I read a lot. I mean, a lot. Freakishly fast, my husband has said. So I thought that was a good dream, but reality set in and I worked for a living to support my sweet daughter and myself. He reminded me of all these things, and told me He was giving me my heart's desire.
So.... what do you do when God gives you your heart's desire? You do it. You ignore the enemy's grating voice and trust in your Savior. And believe me, the enemy can be oh so annoying. He's been on us this week. He's also been on our entire community group, as we are gearing up to do a new Bible study based on a recent movie about fathers. It's been constant ongoing attack all the way around. It gets old, but we have God on our side, so there is no way he can win, and no way we will let him. It seems to me one of his favorite forms of attack is the "you can't....." or "you are not...." statements. Those are the ones he hits me with the most. For you it may be something different.
Job 36:11 says "If they obey and serve Him, they shall spend their days in prosperity and their years in pleasantness and joy." I want that! I could really care less about the prosperity part, as I only want what we need. The pleasantness and joy, though, that sounds awesome. I think the years in pleasantness and joy must mean heaven. Heaven to me is my reward for seeking my Savior and asking Him to forgive my sins, and then living out the rest of my days seeking His will for my life. I can't wait! But while I am here on earth, I will obey Him. Therefore, I am writing a book. I am ignoring the enemy who is trying to tell me it's a good dream, but you can't do it. I am listening to Jesus, who said that I can and that He will. He will guide my words and thoughts, and help me to write something for His glory. It doesn't matter to me if no one but a few friends read it. What matters is that I am writing in obedience and He will bless that. He is who I live for.
He has also been reminding me of some other things He wants me to do, like contact my biological father. I realized through prayer this week, that while I have forgiven him for some things, I hadn't forgiven him for everything. That's direct disobedience, because it is written in several places that we are to forgive. Ouch. So this week, maybe even tonight, I will write to my biological dad and ask for forgiveness. I have already asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for this, but I feel I must ask it of my earthly father as well.
Are you obeying what our Heavenly Father is asking of you? Or are you listening to the enemy and his "You can't....." statements? If you have the tiniest bit of doubt, then I would say you should probably pray. Then sit back and listen to what Jesus tells you. Sometimes it's in the quietest whisper, and others it's in the loudest shout. He will answer though. Be prepared to follow through, because when He asks you to do something, it is for your best and for His glory. You should also be prepared for the attacks, because they will come. When they do, pray. Pray for protection, for the banishment of the enemy from your world, and for God's Will to be done in your life. Pray for His glory, not your own. Just pray. You will be amazed at what happens. And who knows? You might end up doing something you forgot you wanted to do!
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