We walked outside tonight to see if we could see the meteor shower. We couldn't see them yet, but what we did see was amazing! A storm is rolling in, but it's still quite a distance away. The lightning was streaking across the sky, highlighting the clouds with this wonderful pinky-orange color, just on the horizon. As we sat there watching the show, I started thinking about how beautiful the storm can be.
Sometimes the storm is so harsh, we don't take a moment to enjoy the beauty that God creates in the midst of it. We are so engrossed in the pain and drama, we miss the little moments that are there just waiting on us.... Those moments that remind us that God is there, with us. He's always there, waiting on us to accept the love, mercy and peace that only He can bring to the storm. He wraps us in His love and guides us through the storm. He shows us the beauty in our surroundings if we just open our eyes to it.
How many times do you stop to see the beauty of your surroundings and thank God for them? I know, it can be hard when life is going reasonably well. Add a storm, and it can be pretty darn close to impossible. It causes us to focus only on the storm, and not on anything good. God has created so many wonderful things. Do you really want to miss them? No, you want to enjoy the beauty He created. He speaks to us in the beauty of every day as well as in the storm.
So look around you. Notice the beauty that God has created for us to enjoy, and praise Him for it. Listen to the birds, the bugs, the wind, the rain, and the thunder. Smell the flowers, the grass, the dirt and the rain. Focus on the beauty of the trees, the flowers and the sky. Listen to God as He speaks to you... even in the storm. Especially in the storm.....
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Whoa....
Wow, it's been a while since I wrote. It's been a time of revelation and discovery. God has revealed Himself to me in big ways, and this week has been no different, and absolutely amazing!
A few months ago, I joined a Step Study with Celebrate Recovery. We work through the Bible, answer some deeply personal questions, and seek forgiveness for our hurts, habits, and hangups. I was pretty sure I had dealt with all of my HHH's before, but I also knew He wanted me in this study. I hadn't figured out the why, but knew that in being obedient, He would show me. And boy, did He show me!!! A couple of weeks ago, I began having dreams of rebuilding old dilapidated homes, which is a dream of mine, so I really didn't think anything about it. Other than, "cool dreams" and "man, I really wanna do that!"
Well, silly me, I should have been paying better attention, because when I didn't get the message, He came back with this: Ben, the kids, and I were at my grandma's house, while she was alive (which, she died when I was pregnant with Alaia, so this was a really sweet part of my dream). We were rebuilding her house, pulling stuff out of walls and putting up new walls, painting and cleaning and making it wonderfully new again. I woke up amazed, sad, happy, and confused. Was He telling me we were supposed to move back home to Louisiana and somehow live in Grandma's house? I really didn't think so, because He has me so involved in many things here. I talked to Ben about it, and he suggested I do the one thing I should have already done... yeah, you guessed it... PRAY. Silly me, once again. So I prayed about it most of the day, until finally He showed me what the dream was about. He's rebuilding ME, from my foundation, the ground floor up. Whoa. I mean, WHOA. What an awesome way to show me what the Step Study is all about. The same week, in a different class, I discovered that I am not the Spiritual Baby I thought I was, but am actually well on the way to being a Spiritual Parent! This brought on another Whoa.
This week, during our Step Study discussion time, I realized what He is wanting me to work on. I have given Him all the crap from my past, but I haven't really given Him ME. I haven't let go of the insecurities and self confidence issues I have maintained throughout my life. The next night, I met with my sponsor, and we talked about these issues. She anointed me with oil and prayed over me. As she was praying, I saw all those words-- Fear, Shame, and Doubt-- rise up in my head and burst into a million pieces. Then I saw TRUST rise up and become a wall. After that amazing vision, she washed my feet of the dust of my past. Oh my God, my Lord, thank you!!!!!! Thank you for giving me trust and taking away all the pain that I haven't let go of!
Tonight, during the teaching, they asked that we write down the sin we have been holding on to. I was so happy to sit there, knowing I had given it all to Him already. The only things I have left are the sins that are based on lies I believed forever... and I've already given those to Him. There is nothing left but FREEDOM. Freedom to pursue Him with nothing holding me back. I am ready to be the woman He sees in me. I am happy to be FREE. I AM HAPPY!!!!
And you know, truthfully, He took my sins from me when He nailed them to the cross. For me. For you. For all of us. Our sin is heavy, but our God is strong. He is bigger than any sin, and He has already forgiven us for them... while we were STILL sinners. How awesome is our God? He took our sin. He sent His Son because He knew we couldn't do it alone. We couldn't give up on our sinful natures without Him. He LOVES us. ALL of us. When we refuse to receive Him and His blessing of removing our sin, what are we thinking?? He is our champion. He is our Savior. Have you received Him? If not, don't you think it's time?
A few months ago, I joined a Step Study with Celebrate Recovery. We work through the Bible, answer some deeply personal questions, and seek forgiveness for our hurts, habits, and hangups. I was pretty sure I had dealt with all of my HHH's before, but I also knew He wanted me in this study. I hadn't figured out the why, but knew that in being obedient, He would show me. And boy, did He show me!!! A couple of weeks ago, I began having dreams of rebuilding old dilapidated homes, which is a dream of mine, so I really didn't think anything about it. Other than, "cool dreams" and "man, I really wanna do that!"
Well, silly me, I should have been paying better attention, because when I didn't get the message, He came back with this: Ben, the kids, and I were at my grandma's house, while she was alive (which, she died when I was pregnant with Alaia, so this was a really sweet part of my dream). We were rebuilding her house, pulling stuff out of walls and putting up new walls, painting and cleaning and making it wonderfully new again. I woke up amazed, sad, happy, and confused. Was He telling me we were supposed to move back home to Louisiana and somehow live in Grandma's house? I really didn't think so, because He has me so involved in many things here. I talked to Ben about it, and he suggested I do the one thing I should have already done... yeah, you guessed it... PRAY. Silly me, once again. So I prayed about it most of the day, until finally He showed me what the dream was about. He's rebuilding ME, from my foundation, the ground floor up. Whoa. I mean, WHOA. What an awesome way to show me what the Step Study is all about. The same week, in a different class, I discovered that I am not the Spiritual Baby I thought I was, but am actually well on the way to being a Spiritual Parent! This brought on another Whoa.
This week, during our Step Study discussion time, I realized what He is wanting me to work on. I have given Him all the crap from my past, but I haven't really given Him ME. I haven't let go of the insecurities and self confidence issues I have maintained throughout my life. The next night, I met with my sponsor, and we talked about these issues. She anointed me with oil and prayed over me. As she was praying, I saw all those words-- Fear, Shame, and Doubt-- rise up in my head and burst into a million pieces. Then I saw TRUST rise up and become a wall. After that amazing vision, she washed my feet of the dust of my past. Oh my God, my Lord, thank you!!!!!! Thank you for giving me trust and taking away all the pain that I haven't let go of!
Tonight, during the teaching, they asked that we write down the sin we have been holding on to. I was so happy to sit there, knowing I had given it all to Him already. The only things I have left are the sins that are based on lies I believed forever... and I've already given those to Him. There is nothing left but FREEDOM. Freedom to pursue Him with nothing holding me back. I am ready to be the woman He sees in me. I am happy to be FREE. I AM HAPPY!!!!
And you know, truthfully, He took my sins from me when He nailed them to the cross. For me. For you. For all of us. Our sin is heavy, but our God is strong. He is bigger than any sin, and He has already forgiven us for them... while we were STILL sinners. How awesome is our God? He took our sin. He sent His Son because He knew we couldn't do it alone. We couldn't give up on our sinful natures without Him. He LOVES us. ALL of us. When we refuse to receive Him and His blessing of removing our sin, what are we thinking?? He is our champion. He is our Savior. Have you received Him? If not, don't you think it's time?
Monday, May 28, 2012
Calling All Prayer Warriors!!!
I've been laying in bed for the last hour, recovering from a migraine and praying. I wasn't going to get up to write because of said migraine, but when the Lord tells you to move.... well, you move, right? So here I am.
I've written before about living by faith. It's a struggle, sometimes daily, to do so. Since October 2010.... well, really since December 2009, God has been teaching us to trust Him. You see, Ben was fired from a good paying job then. Exactly forty days later, he found another job, with a restaurant that ended up closing in October 2010. That job paid a lot less than the first one, and we learned how to make do, along with the blessings God sent our way periodically. They always happened at just the right time. After that restaurant closed, he started drawing unemployment and went back to school. As you may know, unemployment is a lot less money. So we learned to live on even less. God sent us more blessings, always at just the right time. We have trusted, some days probably not as much as we should, but still, we trusted. We sort of believed that the job situation would be resolved at just the right time, probably when unemployment ran out. Ben has been looking for a new job the entire time he's been going to school, but nothing has come up. He has actually come close to getting a job a couple of times, but for some reason or the other, it didn't happen. So we trusted, and kept believing that the new job would happen when unemployment ran out.
Well.... unemployment ran out about a month ago. He's been working a temporary part time job, but it ends next week and hasn't been enough to cover our basic needs. So here it is, a month past what we thought was going to be the big "Yay, God, thank you for bringing him a good job" moment. Our prayer for us tonight was a way to cover rent, which is due this week. Basically we need a miracle of epic proportions. We've prayed for direction and discernment in regards to what we are supposed to be doing but have yet to receive any kind of clarity.
It's a scary thing to think that we might be homeless in a week. However, we still trust. We know that He has a plan for us. We know that He will reveal that plan in His perfect timing. I think if you have been following my blogs, you know that the following two verses are ones we rest on:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
So we are resting heavily this week on the promise of those two verses. We know that He has a plan, and we know that He will reveal it. However, we need prayer support from our friends. As I am writing this, so many others whom I have been praying for also came to mind. I must admit to having a hard time praying for our needs when there are so many of my friends who have greater needs.
So here are their prayer needs as well......
Friend Number One needs prayer for her family and in particular her 20 year old son, who just moved to Springfield without a car, job, or home, in the hopes he can restart his life fresh in Jesus' care.
Friend Number Two's husband also lost his job. He has been laid off three times in the last ten or so years, and they are ready for a permanent position that will meet their needs.
Friend Number Three is three months behind on their mortgage payment, and are struggling to figure out what they are to do. They are also under a constant barrage of spiritual attacks by way of illnesses, stress, and other such problems. They need a respite from the enemy and answers on what their next step is!
Friend Number Four just lost custody of her children. She is going to school to make a better life for them and now has to pay child support too. She has no idea how she is going to make all the ends meet.
Friend Number Five's husband just left in a very hurtful fashion. He is under a direct spiritual attack, and satan is winning. She and her kids are struggling to stay afloat in a flood of emotional, spiritual and financial distress.
Friend Number Six just lost their three month old baby to SIDS. He was with a babysitter at the time, so the parents and babysitter as well as a host of family and friends need prayer.
Friend Number Seven just found out her parents may be divorcing after over thirty years of marriage. She herself has been divorced and is worried about the effects on her siblings and the grandchildren. Satan at work on another long term marriage.
Friend Number Eight is pregnant with her third child and is having some complications. She is actually due in a few weeks, but baby may be here sooner. Her oldest, who is seven, also has a strange knot on his cheek and they are having to see a specialist tomorrow to figure out what is going on.
So, all you prayer warriors out there, please pray. Pray for these friends, for us, and for your friends and family as well. We need to cover all of our friends, family and even those we don't know, with prayer. We need to fight the spiritual battles the only way that works: prayer and trust. All of us, together with our Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, can do battle and lessen satan's impact on our earthly world, simply by creating a united frontline of prayer.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Please leave comments with your own prayer requests. I, and the other readers, would be honored to lift your friends and family up as well.
I've written before about living by faith. It's a struggle, sometimes daily, to do so. Since October 2010.... well, really since December 2009, God has been teaching us to trust Him. You see, Ben was fired from a good paying job then. Exactly forty days later, he found another job, with a restaurant that ended up closing in October 2010. That job paid a lot less than the first one, and we learned how to make do, along with the blessings God sent our way periodically. They always happened at just the right time. After that restaurant closed, he started drawing unemployment and went back to school. As you may know, unemployment is a lot less money. So we learned to live on even less. God sent us more blessings, always at just the right time. We have trusted, some days probably not as much as we should, but still, we trusted. We sort of believed that the job situation would be resolved at just the right time, probably when unemployment ran out. Ben has been looking for a new job the entire time he's been going to school, but nothing has come up. He has actually come close to getting a job a couple of times, but for some reason or the other, it didn't happen. So we trusted, and kept believing that the new job would happen when unemployment ran out.
Well.... unemployment ran out about a month ago. He's been working a temporary part time job, but it ends next week and hasn't been enough to cover our basic needs. So here it is, a month past what we thought was going to be the big "Yay, God, thank you for bringing him a good job" moment. Our prayer for us tonight was a way to cover rent, which is due this week. Basically we need a miracle of epic proportions. We've prayed for direction and discernment in regards to what we are supposed to be doing but have yet to receive any kind of clarity.
It's a scary thing to think that we might be homeless in a week. However, we still trust. We know that He has a plan for us. We know that He will reveal that plan in His perfect timing. I think if you have been following my blogs, you know that the following two verses are ones we rest on:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
So we are resting heavily this week on the promise of those two verses. We know that He has a plan, and we know that He will reveal it. However, we need prayer support from our friends. As I am writing this, so many others whom I have been praying for also came to mind. I must admit to having a hard time praying for our needs when there are so many of my friends who have greater needs.
So here are their prayer needs as well......
Friend Number One needs prayer for her family and in particular her 20 year old son, who just moved to Springfield without a car, job, or home, in the hopes he can restart his life fresh in Jesus' care.
Friend Number Two's husband also lost his job. He has been laid off three times in the last ten or so years, and they are ready for a permanent position that will meet their needs.
Friend Number Three is three months behind on their mortgage payment, and are struggling to figure out what they are to do. They are also under a constant barrage of spiritual attacks by way of illnesses, stress, and other such problems. They need a respite from the enemy and answers on what their next step is!
Friend Number Four just lost custody of her children. She is going to school to make a better life for them and now has to pay child support too. She has no idea how she is going to make all the ends meet.
Friend Number Five's husband just left in a very hurtful fashion. He is under a direct spiritual attack, and satan is winning. She and her kids are struggling to stay afloat in a flood of emotional, spiritual and financial distress.
Friend Number Six just lost their three month old baby to SIDS. He was with a babysitter at the time, so the parents and babysitter as well as a host of family and friends need prayer.
Friend Number Seven just found out her parents may be divorcing after over thirty years of marriage. She herself has been divorced and is worried about the effects on her siblings and the grandchildren. Satan at work on another long term marriage.
Friend Number Eight is pregnant with her third child and is having some complications. She is actually due in a few weeks, but baby may be here sooner. Her oldest, who is seven, also has a strange knot on his cheek and they are having to see a specialist tomorrow to figure out what is going on.
So, all you prayer warriors out there, please pray. Pray for these friends, for us, and for your friends and family as well. We need to cover all of our friends, family and even those we don't know, with prayer. We need to fight the spiritual battles the only way that works: prayer and trust. All of us, together with our Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, can do battle and lessen satan's impact on our earthly world, simply by creating a united frontline of prayer.
Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16
Please leave comments with your own prayer requests. I, and the other readers, would be honored to lift your friends and family up as well.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Love the Sinner
Hate the sin, love the sinner. How many times have you heard that? Do you believe it? I know it's hard to do. We live in a world full of people who say, "I hate....." The listed things are usually a person and not the sin. This is not living according to what the Bible says, which is:
Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:9-10
Do you know people who are sinning? Why, yes you do. No, not your neighbor, friend, etc.... Look in the mirror. You are a sinner. Too many people are so busy looking at what others are doing, they often miss their own sins. Matthew 7 talks about this:
Judge not, that you not be judged. For with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
You see, we are all sinners. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. None of us have the right to judge others, because we all have our own logs to deal with. The only one who can judge us is blameless. He came to earth to take on our sins because we could not, and quite possibly would not, deal with them ourselves. He was sinless. He was perfect. We are not. We will struggle to love the sinner, but He loved us, in spite of our sins. He knew that we were unable to stop sinning, and He chose to love us anyway.
How dare we not do this simple thing? Love the sinner. Love everyone. Even those we judge not worthy. In His eyes, we are all worthy of love. He proved this by dying on the cross, for ALL of our sins: lust (porn, adultery, sexuality), gluttony (overeating), greed (love of money and possessions), sloth (laziness), wrath (rage, war), envy, and pride. NONE of us have the right to judge. Not one.
So.... love each other. Don't just pretend. Really love them. Do what God told us to do!!!
Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Stand on the side of the good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. Romans 12:9-10
Do you know people who are sinning? Why, yes you do. No, not your neighbor, friend, etc.... Look in the mirror. You are a sinner. Too many people are so busy looking at what others are doing, they often miss their own sins. Matthew 7 talks about this:
Judge not, that you not be judged. For with the judgment you pronounce, you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
You see, we are all sinners. Every. Single. One. Of. Us. None of us have the right to judge others, because we all have our own logs to deal with. The only one who can judge us is blameless. He came to earth to take on our sins because we could not, and quite possibly would not, deal with them ourselves. He was sinless. He was perfect. We are not. We will struggle to love the sinner, but He loved us, in spite of our sins. He knew that we were unable to stop sinning, and He chose to love us anyway.
How dare we not do this simple thing? Love the sinner. Love everyone. Even those we judge not worthy. In His eyes, we are all worthy of love. He proved this by dying on the cross, for ALL of our sins: lust (porn, adultery, sexuality), gluttony (overeating), greed (love of money and possessions), sloth (laziness), wrath (rage, war), envy, and pride. NONE of us have the right to judge. Not one.
So.... love each other. Don't just pretend. Really love them. Do what God told us to do!!!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Graduation
Graduation. I am so not ready for this. I know, I've had eighteen years to prepare for this day, and I've known it was here all this year. Still. It's here, and I'm not ready.
I thought I would be. I've been excited, don't get me wrong. However, now that the day is here, I want to reverse the clock. I know that's not possible, so I guess I have to suck it up. I have to be ready for this. I have been praying about her and this, and God has given me some answers that hit me pretty hard.
Shelley is an amazing girl. She's tough, sweet, compassionate, loving... She has been through so much, and has turned out amazing. That's God at work in her life. You see, Shelley has me for a mom. If you are reading my posts, you already know that I was a messed up girl for a while. I made a lot of mistakes, with a child in tow. Stupid, stupid, stupid..... I know. I have worried that having me for a mom would mess her up. God showed me where He's been throughout her life, and how He's used my mistakes to create a wonderful young lady.
Here is Shelley's story:
She was born December 1993 to me, a 17 year old child. Her dad had gone to boot camp and flunked out. We broke up, and he started making some poor choices. However we put aside bad choices for the birth of our daughter. He was having some difficulties in his life and continued making bad choices. Those choices resulted in him being in and out of her life until she was 3, and then having no contact with her until she was 15. Shelley and I lived at my parents until she was 4, at which point I got married. Up until then, I was a mediocre mom. I did a great job (I think) of being a mom when I was home, but I also wanted to go out and be stupid. I did that a lot, and began the unhealthy relationship way that I would have for some time. Our marriage was not a fairy tale and ended very badly after only two years. The truth was the marriage was over almost before it began, and Shelley suffered from it. Then began four years of her mom making more stupid choices, having unhealthy relationships, and uncontrollable rage at times. We moved around a lot...around 20 times in her lifetime. We struggled to pay bills and I worked a lot of jobs that took me away from her. When we met Ben in 2004, her life changed completely. We had stability.... She had a dad who began to teach her so much, and a mom who finally began to calm down.
This is what He has taught Shelley:
Love everyone. Forgive, even when others tell you not to. Be strong, but flexible. I will help you when you falter. Don't turn to drugs, alcohol and sex to fix what's wrong, turn to Me. Protect your heart. I have a husband picked out for you, and the men who are not him will only hurt your heart. Protect your chastity. It is a gift for your husband, and I created you to be together. A good man who follows me will love you as I have commanded. The things of this world are not important: nice cars, big houses, tons of cash. What matters is that you trust me to show you what I have planned for you. You love me enough to follow me through whatever the enemy throws at you. I will be there and I will protect you. You obey Me, even when you don't understand what I am asking of you. You continue to pray for your family, friends, and those you don't know but know they are in need. You continue to pray for strength, peace and discernment. You continue to pray for your husband up until and after I bring him to you. You teach your kids about Me. You continue to seek Me in everything, and I will bless you.
So my dear darling daughter, I pray for you every day. I pray for your future husband and children. I pray that you continue to seek our Father in everything that you do. I pray that you will continue on the amazing journey God has laid out for you, and that you do it with the same sweet strong nature you've always had. I cannot wait to see what He has laid before you. I know that He has planned something amazing, and that He will be with you every step of the way. I will be here, praying hard, loving continually, cheering you on even when I have tears in my eyes. I am so proud of you. I am so happy that I didn't mess you up, and that God made you the wonderful person you are. I love you!!!
I thought I would be. I've been excited, don't get me wrong. However, now that the day is here, I want to reverse the clock. I know that's not possible, so I guess I have to suck it up. I have to be ready for this. I have been praying about her and this, and God has given me some answers that hit me pretty hard.
Shelley is an amazing girl. She's tough, sweet, compassionate, loving... She has been through so much, and has turned out amazing. That's God at work in her life. You see, Shelley has me for a mom. If you are reading my posts, you already know that I was a messed up girl for a while. I made a lot of mistakes, with a child in tow. Stupid, stupid, stupid..... I know. I have worried that having me for a mom would mess her up. God showed me where He's been throughout her life, and how He's used my mistakes to create a wonderful young lady.
Here is Shelley's story:
She was born December 1993 to me, a 17 year old child. Her dad had gone to boot camp and flunked out. We broke up, and he started making some poor choices. However we put aside bad choices for the birth of our daughter. He was having some difficulties in his life and continued making bad choices. Those choices resulted in him being in and out of her life until she was 3, and then having no contact with her until she was 15. Shelley and I lived at my parents until she was 4, at which point I got married. Up until then, I was a mediocre mom. I did a great job (I think) of being a mom when I was home, but I also wanted to go out and be stupid. I did that a lot, and began the unhealthy relationship way that I would have for some time. Our marriage was not a fairy tale and ended very badly after only two years. The truth was the marriage was over almost before it began, and Shelley suffered from it. Then began four years of her mom making more stupid choices, having unhealthy relationships, and uncontrollable rage at times. We moved around a lot...around 20 times in her lifetime. We struggled to pay bills and I worked a lot of jobs that took me away from her. When we met Ben in 2004, her life changed completely. We had stability.... She had a dad who began to teach her so much, and a mom who finally began to calm down.
This is what He has taught Shelley:
Love everyone. Forgive, even when others tell you not to. Be strong, but flexible. I will help you when you falter. Don't turn to drugs, alcohol and sex to fix what's wrong, turn to Me. Protect your heart. I have a husband picked out for you, and the men who are not him will only hurt your heart. Protect your chastity. It is a gift for your husband, and I created you to be together. A good man who follows me will love you as I have commanded. The things of this world are not important: nice cars, big houses, tons of cash. What matters is that you trust me to show you what I have planned for you. You love me enough to follow me through whatever the enemy throws at you. I will be there and I will protect you. You obey Me, even when you don't understand what I am asking of you. You continue to pray for your family, friends, and those you don't know but know they are in need. You continue to pray for strength, peace and discernment. You continue to pray for your husband up until and after I bring him to you. You teach your kids about Me. You continue to seek Me in everything, and I will bless you.
So my dear darling daughter, I pray for you every day. I pray for your future husband and children. I pray that you continue to seek our Father in everything that you do. I pray that you will continue on the amazing journey God has laid out for you, and that you do it with the same sweet strong nature you've always had. I cannot wait to see what He has laid before you. I know that He has planned something amazing, and that He will be with you every step of the way. I will be here, praying hard, loving continually, cheering you on even when I have tears in my eyes. I am so proud of you. I am so happy that I didn't mess you up, and that God made you the wonderful person you are. I love you!!!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Spiritually Ill
Well I did it. I said a prayer, sat down and wrote a six page letter to my real dad. Six pages, wow! I didn't know exactly what I would say. I ended up giving him a testimony to how God has changed me and given me the life I have now.
While writing, and then reading what I wrote, I am once again amazed at what He has done in my life. To think I made so many bad choices, and He has forgiven me for all of them. I can also look back and see where He's been there, even though I wasn't aware of it at the time. Like the times He kept me from harming myself or others, and even kept me from killing myself once, which had I been successful would have really hurt other people, my family and strangers. Not many people know that one, and I really can't believe I just said it. But there it is, I tried to kill myself by speeding through a stop sign twice onto a very busy road and then when that didn't work, onto a very busy interstate. What was I thinking? I really don't know. I was not in a good place.
A friend of mine used the words "spiritually ill" this week. What a great way to put it. I was spiritually ill for a long time. I'm on the road to recovery now. Being spiritually ill affects different people in different ways. Some turn to drugs or alcohol, food or sex. Some turn to doctors, thinking they need medication. Medication won't help a spiritual issue. In some cases, it can make things worse. If you are medicating yourself against the feelings you are having, then you can't know when God is speaking to you so that He can heal you. Only God can heal a spiritual issue. Only He has the ability to make you well again.
Having used many of those things to heal myself, or hide myself really, I get it. You do what you think you have to in order to forget, to check out or to make yourself feel better. The reality is, it doesn't work. It only makes you feel worse. I know, I have been there. I tried to cover my sins with more sins. It got to the point that I lived a lie, letting people see what I wanted them to see, and then telling myself that no one could see what I was doing. However, Someone could see what I was doing, and I was breaking His heart. You see, He loves us and He hurts when we are hurting ourselves. He is the only one who can help, and He wants to give us that help. Have you read the story of the Prodigal Son? It's in Luke, chapter 15, verse 11-32:
And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”
We covered this in our Discipleship discussion this week. I've heard the story many times and read it several times. It never occurred to me what it meant. I AM the Prodigal Son!!!! So are you! We hurt God over and over again, running from Him, and then trying to "make a deal" with Him when we are hitting rock bottom. He loves us throughout it all, and is still there, waiting on us to turn back to Him. We didn't get it, so He ran after us, by sending His Son to take our sins because we couldn't do it on our own. Then He celebrates when we finally get it and come back to Him, seeking His forgiveness. How unbelievably awesome is our God? Even when we turn away, He still loves us and does what only He can to bring us back to Him.
So are you still running away from Him? Are you trying to do it all on your own, hiding yourself and medicating your spiritual illness? Then please turn around. Ask Him for forgiveness, and tell Him you realize you can't do it without Him. Ask Him to take over your life, and make you well again. He can and will help you. He loves you!!!
While writing, and then reading what I wrote, I am once again amazed at what He has done in my life. To think I made so many bad choices, and He has forgiven me for all of them. I can also look back and see where He's been there, even though I wasn't aware of it at the time. Like the times He kept me from harming myself or others, and even kept me from killing myself once, which had I been successful would have really hurt other people, my family and strangers. Not many people know that one, and I really can't believe I just said it. But there it is, I tried to kill myself by speeding through a stop sign twice onto a very busy road and then when that didn't work, onto a very busy interstate. What was I thinking? I really don't know. I was not in a good place.
A friend of mine used the words "spiritually ill" this week. What a great way to put it. I was spiritually ill for a long time. I'm on the road to recovery now. Being spiritually ill affects different people in different ways. Some turn to drugs or alcohol, food or sex. Some turn to doctors, thinking they need medication. Medication won't help a spiritual issue. In some cases, it can make things worse. If you are medicating yourself against the feelings you are having, then you can't know when God is speaking to you so that He can heal you. Only God can heal a spiritual issue. Only He has the ability to make you well again.
Having used many of those things to heal myself, or hide myself really, I get it. You do what you think you have to in order to forget, to check out or to make yourself feel better. The reality is, it doesn't work. It only makes you feel worse. I know, I have been there. I tried to cover my sins with more sins. It got to the point that I lived a lie, letting people see what I wanted them to see, and then telling myself that no one could see what I was doing. However, Someone could see what I was doing, and I was breaking His heart. You see, He loves us and He hurts when we are hurting ourselves. He is the only one who can help, and He wants to give us that help. Have you read the story of the Prodigal Son? It's in Luke, chapter 15, verse 11-32:
And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he divided his property between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
“But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’ And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
“Now his older son was in the field, and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf, because he has received him back safe and sound.’ But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him, but he answered his father, ‘Look, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command, yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your property with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him!’ And he said to him, ‘Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’”
We covered this in our Discipleship discussion this week. I've heard the story many times and read it several times. It never occurred to me what it meant. I AM the Prodigal Son!!!! So are you! We hurt God over and over again, running from Him, and then trying to "make a deal" with Him when we are hitting rock bottom. He loves us throughout it all, and is still there, waiting on us to turn back to Him. We didn't get it, so He ran after us, by sending His Son to take our sins because we couldn't do it on our own. Then He celebrates when we finally get it and come back to Him, seeking His forgiveness. How unbelievably awesome is our God? Even when we turn away, He still loves us and does what only He can to bring us back to Him.
So are you still running away from Him? Are you trying to do it all on your own, hiding yourself and medicating your spiritual illness? Then please turn around. Ask Him for forgiveness, and tell Him you realize you can't do it without Him. Ask Him to take over your life, and make you well again. He can and will help you. He loves you!!!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Obedience
I have learned not to say "I can't...." or "I could never.......". That's just asking for it. In fact, that's how this blog came about. I said I couldn't, and totally discounted that He can and will. So here we are. I'm writing a blog.
Last week, He told me to write more. He gave me an idea and reminded me of the things I used to dream about that I thought I couldn't do. When I was a teenager I wanted to be a writer. Then I became a mom at the ripe old age of seventeen, and all my wants flew out the window. Once upon a time, I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if I was a proofreader? Then I would get paid to read books!!!" Which I suppose I should tell you, I read a lot. I mean, a lot. Freakishly fast, my husband has said. So I thought that was a good dream, but reality set in and I worked for a living to support my sweet daughter and myself. He reminded me of all these things, and told me He was giving me my heart's desire.
So.... what do you do when God gives you your heart's desire? You do it. You ignore the enemy's grating voice and trust in your Savior. And believe me, the enemy can be oh so annoying. He's been on us this week. He's also been on our entire community group, as we are gearing up to do a new Bible study based on a recent movie about fathers. It's been constant ongoing attack all the way around. It gets old, but we have God on our side, so there is no way he can win, and no way we will let him. It seems to me one of his favorite forms of attack is the "you can't....." or "you are not...." statements. Those are the ones he hits me with the most. For you it may be something different.
Job 36:11 says "If they obey and serve Him, they shall spend their days in prosperity and their years in pleasantness and joy." I want that! I could really care less about the prosperity part, as I only want what we need. The pleasantness and joy, though, that sounds awesome. I think the years in pleasantness and joy must mean heaven. Heaven to me is my reward for seeking my Savior and asking Him to forgive my sins, and then living out the rest of my days seeking His will for my life. I can't wait! But while I am here on earth, I will obey Him. Therefore, I am writing a book. I am ignoring the enemy who is trying to tell me it's a good dream, but you can't do it. I am listening to Jesus, who said that I can and that He will. He will guide my words and thoughts, and help me to write something for His glory. It doesn't matter to me if no one but a few friends read it. What matters is that I am writing in obedience and He will bless that. He is who I live for.
He has also been reminding me of some other things He wants me to do, like contact my biological father. I realized through prayer this week, that while I have forgiven him for some things, I hadn't forgiven him for everything. That's direct disobedience, because it is written in several places that we are to forgive. Ouch. So this week, maybe even tonight, I will write to my biological dad and ask for forgiveness. I have already asked my Heavenly Father to forgive me for this, but I feel I must ask it of my earthly father as well.
Are you obeying what our Heavenly Father is asking of you? Or are you listening to the enemy and his "You can't....." statements? If you have the tiniest bit of doubt, then I would say you should probably pray. Then sit back and listen to what Jesus tells you. Sometimes it's in the quietest whisper, and others it's in the loudest shout. He will answer though. Be prepared to follow through, because when He asks you to do something, it is for your best and for His glory. You should also be prepared for the attacks, because they will come. When they do, pray. Pray for protection, for the banishment of the enemy from your world, and for God's Will to be done in your life. Pray for His glory, not your own. Just pray. You will be amazed at what happens. And who knows? You might end up doing something you forgot you wanted to do!
Monday, April 9, 2012
When bad stuff happens...
You know, sometimes bad stuff happens to people. Bad stuff happened to me. For the sake of those involved, I won't go into what it was. Let's just say it happened, and it was awful, and afterwards I made some insanely wrong choices. Things that, looking back on my life now, I can't believe I did.
I have known for some time that God was going to be using my story. I just wasn't sure how. I forgave those who harmed me years ago, but didn't really understand forgiveness until three years ago when our church went through a Bible study called Draw Near. The forgiveness week really opened my eyes to what it really was, and that it was ok to be mad sometimes. I also realized that sometimes, you have to forgive yourself as well as others. This was a hard concept for me. I am my own worst critic. The next year, we went through Life's Hurts, Habits and Hangups. I realized that there was still stuff I needed to deal with. So I did. Prayer is a very powerful thing (in case you haven't gotten that from my previous posts!) and God responds in amazing ways when we pray. Sometimes it's not exactly the answer we want, but when it comes to forgiveness, He does listen and He does respond. Throughout all of this, I knew He was gearing me up for something big.
I have known for some time that God was going to be using my story. I just wasn't sure how. I forgave those who harmed me years ago, but didn't really understand forgiveness until three years ago when our church went through a Bible study called Draw Near. The forgiveness week really opened my eyes to what it really was, and that it was ok to be mad sometimes. I also realized that sometimes, you have to forgive yourself as well as others. This was a hard concept for me. I am my own worst critic. The next year, we went through Life's Hurts, Habits and Hangups. I realized that there was still stuff I needed to deal with. So I did. Prayer is a very powerful thing (in case you haven't gotten that from my previous posts!) and God responds in amazing ways when we pray. Sometimes it's not exactly the answer we want, but when it comes to forgiveness, He does listen and He does respond. Throughout all of this, I knew He was gearing me up for something big.
I do have to admit that for a while now, and at times rather impatiently, I've wondered what the "something big" was going to be. Honestly, I'm still not sure. I do know that it is closer now than it has ever been. In the last few weeks, I have had many opportunities to share my story. At times just a tiny part... at others the whole awful thing. The harm done, the bad choices I made because of the harm, and the most important thing of all...... how God has redeemed me, and taken me to a place of such peace and love that I feel beautiful and wonderfully made. He has shown me through my life what the following scriptures mean:
Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
I know that in ALL things, He has a plan to give me hope and a future. He can use my weaknesses to showcase His power. When He does, it is beyond awesome! In sharing my story over the last few weeks, those I spoke to were amazed that the woman standing before them was the woman who had been through so much and made so many mistakes. I used alcohol, sex, and numerous drugs to medicate myself and numb the pain that I had. I used people. I was not the "nice girl" I was known as. It was a lie. I didn't think anyone, especially God, would want to know the "real me" because she was messed up. I believed a lie. A lie told to me by the enemy that I accepted hook, line and sinker.
It has taken many years for me to know what is a lie and what is truth. The truth is, Jesus LOVES me. Me. All of me.... the good, the bad, and everything in between. He can use me and my weaknesses to show people that you can come back to Him, no matter how awful you think you were or how much you don't "deserve" His love. He died on the cross for our sins, because He LOVES us. You. Me. All of us... the good, the bad, and everything in between. He WILL forgive us for our sins, if we just ask Him.
We all have a story to tell. He can use our stories in so many ways. He can use us in so many ways. For me, it has started out small. I'm about to take a big step that I have a feeling will lead to sharing in a really big, scary for me, way. However, I know that if that is where He is leading me, then it will be awesome and He will be beside me every step of the way. I also know that He has put some pretty amazing people in my life to support me and remind me of His LOVE if I forget. Or maybe when I forget. Cause let's face it. The enemy doesn't want us to know that Jesus loves us and that He wants us. He'd rather remind us of our faults and failings and try to separate us from Jesus' love. He will attack us with everything he can, and when that happens, I know I can call on my prayer warriors to help me pray. I know that all I have to do is cry, "Abba, Father" and He will be there.
So what's your story? How can He use it to further His kingdom? Don't be afraid to ask Him. Trust that He knows what He's laid before you and just how awesome that path is going to be......
Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
I know that in ALL things, He has a plan to give me hope and a future. He can use my weaknesses to showcase His power. When He does, it is beyond awesome! In sharing my story over the last few weeks, those I spoke to were amazed that the woman standing before them was the woman who had been through so much and made so many mistakes. I used alcohol, sex, and numerous drugs to medicate myself and numb the pain that I had. I used people. I was not the "nice girl" I was known as. It was a lie. I didn't think anyone, especially God, would want to know the "real me" because she was messed up. I believed a lie. A lie told to me by the enemy that I accepted hook, line and sinker.
It has taken many years for me to know what is a lie and what is truth. The truth is, Jesus LOVES me. Me. All of me.... the good, the bad, and everything in between. He can use me and my weaknesses to show people that you can come back to Him, no matter how awful you think you were or how much you don't "deserve" His love. He died on the cross for our sins, because He LOVES us. You. Me. All of us... the good, the bad, and everything in between. He WILL forgive us for our sins, if we just ask Him.
We all have a story to tell. He can use our stories in so many ways. He can use us in so many ways. For me, it has started out small. I'm about to take a big step that I have a feeling will lead to sharing in a really big, scary for me, way. However, I know that if that is where He is leading me, then it will be awesome and He will be beside me every step of the way. I also know that He has put some pretty amazing people in my life to support me and remind me of His LOVE if I forget. Or maybe when I forget. Cause let's face it. The enemy doesn't want us to know that Jesus loves us and that He wants us. He'd rather remind us of our faults and failings and try to separate us from Jesus' love. He will attack us with everything he can, and when that happens, I know I can call on my prayer warriors to help me pray. I know that all I have to do is cry, "Abba, Father" and He will be there.
So what's your story? How can He use it to further His kingdom? Don't be afraid to ask Him. Trust that He knows what He's laid before you and just how awesome that path is going to be......
Monday, April 2, 2012
Romans 8:28 Day
You know those days.... the one where you find out a good friend's husband lost his job. The one where the young lady you are mentoring decides to change her situation, and not in a good way. The one where another good friend sends a text saying she lost her baby. The one where your sister in law calls to tell you your 2 1/2 year old nephew is being flown to the Children's Hospital because he's sicker than they thought and his kidneys are failing. Yeah.... those days.
Those days that are so hard, you ask the Why? question. You know, the one you aren't supposed to ask but can't seem to help yourself? We all know we are supposed to ask What? instead, but some days it's hard to remember that. Sometimes things happen that hurt so much, we can't do anything other than cry. I call those Romans 8:28 days.
Romans 8:28 says "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)
This is a scripture that just speaks to me. He can work ALL things together for good for His people. When I'm having one of those days where I just want to cry for the hurt and pain and suffering going on around me, and even in me, I lean heavily on this scripture. He's in control... all we have to do is lean on Him, and He will take care of everything.
Most times, we don't know how He's going to work it together for good. Some things are so awful, it just doesn't seem possible that something good can come out of the situation. But He can and He will.
That friend who lost her baby? She's pregnant again and expecting a sweet baby girl the first of next month. My nephew? He's still in the hospital, and I've cried every day since I talked to his mom. However, we're already seeing the good. There are people all over the WORLD praying for that sweet baby, and there have been answered prayers already. I know God is in control of his situation, and when it's all said and done, his story is going to be amazing. The other two situations I cited? Well, they haven't been resolved for good yet, but I trust with all my heart that He will and already is at work on them.
So if you find yourself having one of those days.... pray. Even if you don't have the words, pray. Ask your friends and family for prayer. If they are anything like the people I have in my life, they will be glad to. Maybe even honored that you love and trust them enough to ask them. Then get ready. He's going to do something awesome. You may not know what it is until you look back on to the situation, but you will see it. And you will be AMAZED!
***
Speaking of prayer, please keep the people I spoke of in yours. All the situations are different, but they all need the same thing. Prayer.
Those days that are so hard, you ask the Why? question. You know, the one you aren't supposed to ask but can't seem to help yourself? We all know we are supposed to ask What? instead, but some days it's hard to remember that. Sometimes things happen that hurt so much, we can't do anything other than cry. I call those Romans 8:28 days.
Romans 8:28 says "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)
This is a scripture that just speaks to me. He can work ALL things together for good for His people. When I'm having one of those days where I just want to cry for the hurt and pain and suffering going on around me, and even in me, I lean heavily on this scripture. He's in control... all we have to do is lean on Him, and He will take care of everything.
Most times, we don't know how He's going to work it together for good. Some things are so awful, it just doesn't seem possible that something good can come out of the situation. But He can and He will.
That friend who lost her baby? She's pregnant again and expecting a sweet baby girl the first of next month. My nephew? He's still in the hospital, and I've cried every day since I talked to his mom. However, we're already seeing the good. There are people all over the WORLD praying for that sweet baby, and there have been answered prayers already. I know God is in control of his situation, and when it's all said and done, his story is going to be amazing. The other two situations I cited? Well, they haven't been resolved for good yet, but I trust with all my heart that He will and already is at work on them.
So if you find yourself having one of those days.... pray. Even if you don't have the words, pray. Ask your friends and family for prayer. If they are anything like the people I have in my life, they will be glad to. Maybe even honored that you love and trust them enough to ask them. Then get ready. He's going to do something awesome. You may not know what it is until you look back on to the situation, but you will see it. And you will be AMAZED!
***
Speaking of prayer, please keep the people I spoke of in yours. All the situations are different, but they all need the same thing. Prayer.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Divine Confirmation
You know those days you question whether or not you are following God's will? You think you are doing what He wants, but you just aren't sure? You strive to do what He asks you, without questioning the why or how?
That would be how I've felt for a couple of months now. I know I am on the right path, but I question whether or not I have missed something. I don't want to find out later that I missed what He was telling me. I've second-guessed myself, questioned my trust, and prayed to Him.... saying, "God, you know I believe, but please help me in my un-belief!"
I got an answer today, and wow what an answer! Ben and I applied for the same job at the church. We both felt called to apply, although I really felt deep in my heart that it wasn't the answer we were looking for. I prayed about it for a while, and decided to apply and leave it up to God. We had lots of people praying for God's will to be done in this. Ben and I were both interviewed and both of us thought it went really really well. It was the most pleasant of job interviews, where I felt the Holy Spirit moving. That was last Tuesday. We've spent the week remaining in prayer, along with our prayer warriors.... and while we haven't been antsy, we have been very curious.
I got a call this afternoon to let me know neither of us had been chosen, and why. Through much prayer, they made the decision based on an overwhelming feeling that in hiring us for this position, they would be interfering in what God is doing in our lives, and that what He is doing is BIG. What a confirmation to what I've been feeling for some time now... I know He is at work, and I've been telling Ben and anyone else who would listen that I feel like it's something big. Real Big. Like I have no idea what it could be, but it's going to be awesome BIG. They could see and feel His presence in our lives, and even through the interview process. They really wanted to be able to offer it to one of us, but how can you question God? You can't. You accept what He is saying and wait and see what happens. This is where we have been for a while. He has done some absolutely AMAZING things throughout this period of absolute trust in Him. Do we doubt? Well, yeah, we're human. Don't get me wrong... we don't doubt Him. We doubt ourselves. We doubt our confidence in hearing Him and knowing what it is He is asking us to do.
Our closest friends know what we've been feeling, so it was awesome to get confirmation from someone who doesn't know us that well. He told me that we are known for the ministry that we have for others. Not in that "Oh, look at me and what I'm doing" way, but in that "Look at what God is doing" way. How can you not feel completely stoked by something like that? I have thought a lot lately on whether or not my life is a biography or a testimony. I desperately want it to be a testimony to other people, because to me, it is. I want people to look at me and say, "Whoa, God is working on and through her." "I want to know the Jesus she knows." "I want that kind of relationship with my Savior too." I don't want people to look at me and think I'm doing things so people will look at me... If you know me, you KNOW I'm the last person to want to stand up and say, hey look at me. I want my life and desires to reflect my Savior's. I want to see what He sees, hurt for what hurts Him, love who He loves. I want HIM to be proud of me. I yearn for that day when I get to heaven, to hear Him say, "well done, good and faithful servant." But it is nice to get that confirmation that I'm on the right track. That we are reflecting His glory. That everything we do, we do for Him, and it is touching others. Sometimes we need a little "atta boy". Sometimes we need to hear, Be confident in your closeness with Him, that you ARE hearing Him. And sometimes.... we need to know that other people are praying for us too... for our ministry, for our children, for our hearts to be forever open to Him. So this week I am thankful for divine confirmation, in a way I never expected.... for people who pray for us to heed His will... and for an understanding that no matter what I may think I want, God's way is ALWAYS better!
I can't wait to see what it is He has in store for us! I know in my heart it's going to be amazing!!
That would be how I've felt for a couple of months now. I know I am on the right path, but I question whether or not I have missed something. I don't want to find out later that I missed what He was telling me. I've second-guessed myself, questioned my trust, and prayed to Him.... saying, "God, you know I believe, but please help me in my un-belief!"
I got an answer today, and wow what an answer! Ben and I applied for the same job at the church. We both felt called to apply, although I really felt deep in my heart that it wasn't the answer we were looking for. I prayed about it for a while, and decided to apply and leave it up to God. We had lots of people praying for God's will to be done in this. Ben and I were both interviewed and both of us thought it went really really well. It was the most pleasant of job interviews, where I felt the Holy Spirit moving. That was last Tuesday. We've spent the week remaining in prayer, along with our prayer warriors.... and while we haven't been antsy, we have been very curious.
I got a call this afternoon to let me know neither of us had been chosen, and why. Through much prayer, they made the decision based on an overwhelming feeling that in hiring us for this position, they would be interfering in what God is doing in our lives, and that what He is doing is BIG. What a confirmation to what I've been feeling for some time now... I know He is at work, and I've been telling Ben and anyone else who would listen that I feel like it's something big. Real Big. Like I have no idea what it could be, but it's going to be awesome BIG. They could see and feel His presence in our lives, and even through the interview process. They really wanted to be able to offer it to one of us, but how can you question God? You can't. You accept what He is saying and wait and see what happens. This is where we have been for a while. He has done some absolutely AMAZING things throughout this period of absolute trust in Him. Do we doubt? Well, yeah, we're human. Don't get me wrong... we don't doubt Him. We doubt ourselves. We doubt our confidence in hearing Him and knowing what it is He is asking us to do.
Our closest friends know what we've been feeling, so it was awesome to get confirmation from someone who doesn't know us that well. He told me that we are known for the ministry that we have for others. Not in that "Oh, look at me and what I'm doing" way, but in that "Look at what God is doing" way. How can you not feel completely stoked by something like that? I have thought a lot lately on whether or not my life is a biography or a testimony. I desperately want it to be a testimony to other people, because to me, it is. I want people to look at me and say, "Whoa, God is working on and through her." "I want to know the Jesus she knows." "I want that kind of relationship with my Savior too." I don't want people to look at me and think I'm doing things so people will look at me... If you know me, you KNOW I'm the last person to want to stand up and say, hey look at me. I want my life and desires to reflect my Savior's. I want to see what He sees, hurt for what hurts Him, love who He loves. I want HIM to be proud of me. I yearn for that day when I get to heaven, to hear Him say, "well done, good and faithful servant." But it is nice to get that confirmation that I'm on the right track. That we are reflecting His glory. That everything we do, we do for Him, and it is touching others. Sometimes we need a little "atta boy". Sometimes we need to hear, Be confident in your closeness with Him, that you ARE hearing Him. And sometimes.... we need to know that other people are praying for us too... for our ministry, for our children, for our hearts to be forever open to Him. So this week I am thankful for divine confirmation, in a way I never expected.... for people who pray for us to heed His will... and for an understanding that no matter what I may think I want, God's way is ALWAYS better!
I can't wait to see what it is He has in store for us! I know in my heart it's going to be amazing!!
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Light
I was standing outside the other night, after the guys had put in a new fluorescent light bulb. It struck me as an interesting comparison to God's light. I'm not sure where this is going to go, but I'm going to give it a shot.
The light bulb starts out really dim. Then it slowly gets brighter, until it lights up the night like a beacon. The dark can be so overwhelming, but with the light you can see what's going on around you. It makes the sometimes scary night bearable.
When you are trapped in the dark of life, it seems scary. You search and search for what it means, what matters, and which way you should go. Sometimes we think we know what we want, only to find it isn't really what we need. Finally we pray. The light comes on, and at first it may seem a little dim. This is only because we don't understand fully what we are asking for. As we grow closer to Jesus, the light grows and grows..... until finally, we are surrounded by this lovely, bright light. The light of the love of our Heavenly Father is a beautiful thing. You see it in the people who are already following Him and sharing His love. It shines through them in the things they say, the things they do, and the life they live. The closer you get to Jesus, the more the light will shine through you, too.
So how do you find the light? It's almost as easy as turning on the light switch. You pray. You ask God to forgive you for your sins, and to enter your heart. He wants you to do this. He wants the people He created, that He knew before they were even born, to seek Him. Even when you've made really really bad choices, He still loves you and will forgive you. You just have to ask Him. After you've done this, then you continue to actively seek Him so that you can be closer to Him.
By reading His Word and praying, you strive to follow His Will for not only you and your life, but His Will, period. The closer you get to Him, the closer you WANT to get to Him. You want everything that you do to honor Him. You want to be a lamp for Him, showing others that He is in your heart and you are in His. You begin to see the things He wants you to see, to do the things He wants you to do, and to live the way He wants you to live. Your eyes are opened to the things that hurt him... the homeless, the hurting, the lonely. You want to help them and to show them His love.
His love is a beautiful light. I know I said that but it bears repeating. And in repeating, there is light.
The light bulb starts out really dim. Then it slowly gets brighter, until it lights up the night like a beacon. The dark can be so overwhelming, but with the light you can see what's going on around you. It makes the sometimes scary night bearable.
When you are trapped in the dark of life, it seems scary. You search and search for what it means, what matters, and which way you should go. Sometimes we think we know what we want, only to find it isn't really what we need. Finally we pray. The light comes on, and at first it may seem a little dim. This is only because we don't understand fully what we are asking for. As we grow closer to Jesus, the light grows and grows..... until finally, we are surrounded by this lovely, bright light. The light of the love of our Heavenly Father is a beautiful thing. You see it in the people who are already following Him and sharing His love. It shines through them in the things they say, the things they do, and the life they live. The closer you get to Jesus, the more the light will shine through you, too.
So how do you find the light? It's almost as easy as turning on the light switch. You pray. You ask God to forgive you for your sins, and to enter your heart. He wants you to do this. He wants the people He created, that He knew before they were even born, to seek Him. Even when you've made really really bad choices, He still loves you and will forgive you. You just have to ask Him. After you've done this, then you continue to actively seek Him so that you can be closer to Him.
By reading His Word and praying, you strive to follow His Will for not only you and your life, but His Will, period. The closer you get to Him, the closer you WANT to get to Him. You want everything that you do to honor Him. You want to be a lamp for Him, showing others that He is in your heart and you are in His. You begin to see the things He wants you to see, to do the things He wants you to do, and to live the way He wants you to live. Your eyes are opened to the things that hurt him... the homeless, the hurting, the lonely. You want to help them and to show them His love.
His love is a beautiful light. I know I said that but it bears repeating. And in repeating, there is light.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
The Power of Prayer
Today after I got home from work, I was sitting on my couch, rewriting the script for our children's worship this weekend. All of a sudden, I got hit with excruciating pain in an area that you don't want to have that kind of pain. I made it to the bedroom with Ben's help, in tears. Every movement was agony. He prayed over me and sang hymns. I prayed with him silently in between cries. Jonah came in and prayed with him (which I have to say was the sweetest funniest moment.. every couple of lines, he'd say, "What Daddy? Ok...." and repeat what Ben said. Love my kids!!!) Anyway.... we prayed. Still in pain. Ben emailed our group and I texted a few of my closest prayer warriors and requested prayer. My pain was so bad that my prayer was "Please Lord, help me. Please." Over and over again.... It eased up enough after a couple of hours that I was finally able to come back into the living room. Still in pain, but not to the point that it was. I talked to a couple of my prayer warriors and they were continuing prayer. We continued praying. Shel's boyfriend's parents called and we all got on speaker phone together. They have a prayer group on Wednesday nights, so they prayed over me and Shelley too (that knee injury) over the phone. Ben, Shelley and I huddled up together and prayed with them. It's now been a couple of hours, and I'm feeling much much better. That's the power of Prayer my friends!
I know it's hard for some people to understand what prayer is and what it can do. Prayer doesn't have to be a scripted, this is what you say each and every time. In fact, God likes it when we go off script. He appreciates it when we are ourselves and are talking to Him as we would a friend. Prayer can be a long rambling full of uh's and um's. It can be short and to the point. It can even be as little as "Please Lord, help" or groans and grunts. It can also be silence, where you ask Him to know... He does know. He just likes us to talk to Him. Prayer does that. It opens up the lines of communication between us and God. It's important in our walk with Him to be able to talk to Him. It draws us closer to Him and helps us to love Him more. He already loves us.
Prayer shouldn't be only when we want or need something either. When something amazing happens, tell Him how much you appreciate it. Let Him know you love Him too and are excited for the things He does in your life. Tell Him how wonderful the sunset is, or how beautiful that owl's call is. Tell what awesome beauty He created for us to enjoy, or how much you appreciate the fact that it's been a mild winter. Or... how wonderful it is to know the people He's brought into your life. You know the ones... your family, your church family, your prayer warriors, your people you go to when you need to talk to someone who gets the walk you're on... the people He brought into your life to help you get closer to Him. We all have them. He sees to it that we do.
You can also do it any time and any where... in your car, in your shower, when you wake up in the morning, when you are on lunch, when you go to bed. One of the best places to pray is in a quiet room, when it's just you and God. No distractions, no noise. Just you and your Savior... where you can hear Him and feel His love. It's awesome!!!
So please... pray. If you have never really gotten the hang of it, it can go something like this, "God, you know I don't know what to say. You know what I need. Help me Lord. Help me be closer to You and learn how to talk to You. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen." Easy, right? It is, and it only gets easier as you do it.
I know it's hard for some people to understand what prayer is and what it can do. Prayer doesn't have to be a scripted, this is what you say each and every time. In fact, God likes it when we go off script. He appreciates it when we are ourselves and are talking to Him as we would a friend. Prayer can be a long rambling full of uh's and um's. It can be short and to the point. It can even be as little as "Please Lord, help" or groans and grunts. It can also be silence, where you ask Him to know... He does know. He just likes us to talk to Him. Prayer does that. It opens up the lines of communication between us and God. It's important in our walk with Him to be able to talk to Him. It draws us closer to Him and helps us to love Him more. He already loves us.
Prayer shouldn't be only when we want or need something either. When something amazing happens, tell Him how much you appreciate it. Let Him know you love Him too and are excited for the things He does in your life. Tell Him how wonderful the sunset is, or how beautiful that owl's call is. Tell what awesome beauty He created for us to enjoy, or how much you appreciate the fact that it's been a mild winter. Or... how wonderful it is to know the people He's brought into your life. You know the ones... your family, your church family, your prayer warriors, your people you go to when you need to talk to someone who gets the walk you're on... the people He brought into your life to help you get closer to Him. We all have them. He sees to it that we do.
You can also do it any time and any where... in your car, in your shower, when you wake up in the morning, when you are on lunch, when you go to bed. One of the best places to pray is in a quiet room, when it's just you and God. No distractions, no noise. Just you and your Savior... where you can hear Him and feel His love. It's awesome!!!
So please... pray. If you have never really gotten the hang of it, it can go something like this, "God, you know I don't know what to say. You know what I need. Help me Lord. Help me be closer to You and learn how to talk to You. In Jesus' Name I pray. Amen." Easy, right? It is, and it only gets easier as you do it.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
What He Showed Me This Week
God absolutely amazes me all the time, and this week has been yet another opportunity to see His glory at work. Earlier this week, we helped a homeless man by putting the need out on Facebook and via email, and God's people responded. He has a warm place to stay, food, necessities, and we have more cash to help him even further. Most people from here know him, and know enough of his story to know it was not an easy help. He has some mental instability.... we think from being in a war. God told us to help, and so we did, and so did others... some from as far away as Texas!!! When we dropped him off at the motel, the ladies in the lobby were so struck by what we were doing, they offered up food and snacks. It's the ripple effect. When you show God's love, people respond in kind.
This week I also got hit by satan with some of my old hurts and hang ups. Sometimes I feel like I'm still this scared, silly little kid who has rage issues and I get hung up on all the bad things I did when I was not walking with Jesus. I know it was an attack, and a pretty major one at that, but I still felt like I was hiding the "me" that I thought I had grown away from, and "me" was still here. I shed some major tears over that at CR on Friday. Saturday was wonderful, between starting a new sermon series with Ben from Mars Hill Church and then leading kidmo's worship at our church. This morning we got up and went to an infant church, Grace Hills. This was their THIRD official service, and it was amazing. The music and sermon were filled with the Spirit. We felt called to help out.. not to leave our church, which we LOVE, but to help out. I'm not sure how that will look, but I know it's what God is asking us to do. I have a tiny bit of discernment, which means I don't always know what God is planning (and really, WHO DOES????) but I know that He is planning something. I'm curious to see how that will work out. It was funny when we came home, Ben was telling Vaughn and Shelley about checking out a new church, at the movie theater. I guess he is sarcastic too often, because they really thought we went to watch a movie, lol. Nope, we really went to church in a movie theater, and it was awesome.
Last night I talked on Facebook with one of my closest ladies in Christ, who is one of my best friends, as well as my "aunt"... She's actually my cousin if you follow the relationship lines, but she's always been my aunt to me. I just love being surrounded by women who are living life according to what Jesus is calling them to do, even when it's hard. It helps to have other ladies I can bounce my feelings, doubts, and questions off of and they get what I'm asking. He puts people in our lives to support us in our journey to seek and grow in Him. Tonight I was talking to my friend again, and we decided to fast together to seek His plan for us, and to hear Him more. She is doing the Daniel fast, and I'm fasting from facebook and pinterest. When I think about what takes the most time away from my family and my Savior... well... that would be facebook and pinterest. I love talking to my friends and family on facebook and seeing God at work in their lives, and I love pinterest for the recipes and crafts and other things I find on there. I can spend hours between the two, hours that I could be devoting to more important things... like my family, my marriage, and my Savior.
So.... my question to you is this... What do you spend too much time on? What takes you away from the important things in life? What is God calling you to do, that you aren't hearing because you are too busy? I'm busy too, but I also waste a lot of time that I shouldn't. Believe me, I understand wanting "mindless entertainment" sometimes.... but is your mindless entertainment a "sometimes" or an "all the time"? If you find you are falling into the trap of spending too much time on other things, then I ask you to pray about what God wants you to change. Turn everything off, and just go to a quiet spot and PRAY. Pray for His guidance, His understanding, His love... pray that He shows you what you need to change and how He wants you to use your gifts. This is a gift I didn't even know I had.... and yeah, I may not be very good at it, but it's coming straight from my heart, where Jesus is fully involved. Maybe your gift is serving others in the community.... maybe it's serving people in another country by way of missions.... maybe it's financial support of missions or those serving in the community... maybe it's prayer.... maybe it is serving in the children's ministries at your church... maybe ... maybe... maybe... There are so many different ways He will use you if you just let Him. He uses all parts of the body.. hands, feet, heart, head, arms.... to do His work. You won't know what He wants you to use until you ask Him....
Oh, and one more thing... I found a new scripture this week that I love:
And they have conquered him (the enemy) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Revelation 12:11
The parentheses are my addition to it. What a powerful verse! By the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.... What will be your testimony? Will you love your life, or NOT love it even to death? I know which I am striving for....... God Bless my friends!!!!!
This week I also got hit by satan with some of my old hurts and hang ups. Sometimes I feel like I'm still this scared, silly little kid who has rage issues and I get hung up on all the bad things I did when I was not walking with Jesus. I know it was an attack, and a pretty major one at that, but I still felt like I was hiding the "me" that I thought I had grown away from, and "me" was still here. I shed some major tears over that at CR on Friday. Saturday was wonderful, between starting a new sermon series with Ben from Mars Hill Church and then leading kidmo's worship at our church. This morning we got up and went to an infant church, Grace Hills. This was their THIRD official service, and it was amazing. The music and sermon were filled with the Spirit. We felt called to help out.. not to leave our church, which we LOVE, but to help out. I'm not sure how that will look, but I know it's what God is asking us to do. I have a tiny bit of discernment, which means I don't always know what God is planning (and really, WHO DOES????) but I know that He is planning something. I'm curious to see how that will work out. It was funny when we came home, Ben was telling Vaughn and Shelley about checking out a new church, at the movie theater. I guess he is sarcastic too often, because they really thought we went to watch a movie, lol. Nope, we really went to church in a movie theater, and it was awesome.
Last night I talked on Facebook with one of my closest ladies in Christ, who is one of my best friends, as well as my "aunt"... She's actually my cousin if you follow the relationship lines, but she's always been my aunt to me. I just love being surrounded by women who are living life according to what Jesus is calling them to do, even when it's hard. It helps to have other ladies I can bounce my feelings, doubts, and questions off of and they get what I'm asking. He puts people in our lives to support us in our journey to seek and grow in Him. Tonight I was talking to my friend again, and we decided to fast together to seek His plan for us, and to hear Him more. She is doing the Daniel fast, and I'm fasting from facebook and pinterest. When I think about what takes the most time away from my family and my Savior... well... that would be facebook and pinterest. I love talking to my friends and family on facebook and seeing God at work in their lives, and I love pinterest for the recipes and crafts and other things I find on there. I can spend hours between the two, hours that I could be devoting to more important things... like my family, my marriage, and my Savior.
So.... my question to you is this... What do you spend too much time on? What takes you away from the important things in life? What is God calling you to do, that you aren't hearing because you are too busy? I'm busy too, but I also waste a lot of time that I shouldn't. Believe me, I understand wanting "mindless entertainment" sometimes.... but is your mindless entertainment a "sometimes" or an "all the time"? If you find you are falling into the trap of spending too much time on other things, then I ask you to pray about what God wants you to change. Turn everything off, and just go to a quiet spot and PRAY. Pray for His guidance, His understanding, His love... pray that He shows you what you need to change and how He wants you to use your gifts. This is a gift I didn't even know I had.... and yeah, I may not be very good at it, but it's coming straight from my heart, where Jesus is fully involved. Maybe your gift is serving others in the community.... maybe it's serving people in another country by way of missions.... maybe it's financial support of missions or those serving in the community... maybe it's prayer.... maybe it is serving in the children's ministries at your church... maybe ... maybe... maybe... There are so many different ways He will use you if you just let Him. He uses all parts of the body.. hands, feet, heart, head, arms.... to do His work. You won't know what He wants you to use until you ask Him....
Oh, and one more thing... I found a new scripture this week that I love:
And they have conquered him (the enemy) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Revelation 12:11
The parentheses are my addition to it. What a powerful verse! By the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.... What will be your testimony? Will you love your life, or NOT love it even to death? I know which I am striving for....... God Bless my friends!!!!!
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Consider It Joy
Did you ever wonder what that means? " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds." James 1:2. I really had no clue until I got closer to God, and faced all the trials we have faced. There are days I struggle with it though. How can I be joyful when life is falling apart around me? When sickness, strife, financial woes, and all the other stuff that goes wrong happens on an almost daily basis, how do you find joy?
I guess we have to start with what joy is... The dictionary states it is something that brings great pleasure and happiness. Ok, I get that. But how can you find joy in the midst of strife? Let's see what the Biblical scholars say... The happy state that results in knowing and serving God. Yeah, ok, that makes a lot more sense! So by serving God, even deep in the pit, I can find joy. So when I see someone suffering and I seek to help them, even on my "bad days" I'm finding joy. When I offer up myself to do God's will and whatever He asks of me, I find joy. When life hands me lemons, God shows me His version of lemonade... pure joy.
So today was awful. My teen hurt her knee... the doctor's office called an hour before her appointment to tell me they couldn't see her because she turned 18... the doctor at the clinic we went to couldn't give us crutches and prescribed some, but no one could help us.... I got hit with the migraine to end all migraines and ended up puking.... the kids were punks.... just one of those days. We've had a few of those days lately. In the midst of it though, I heard from the family we helped a few weeks ago, and they have moved to Eureka Springs and are praising God for the blessings in the midst of their troubles. The other family travelling home to Idaho made it safe and sound with the provisions that God gave them. A great friend sent me a reminder of the teaching this weekend..... Our pastor preached on the "light afflictions" that occur in our lives that lead to the "eternal weight of glory." This really struck me. In fact, it has been my mantra since Saturday night. Light afflictions equals lemons and strife while eternal weight of glory equals joy.... pure joy. The joy of knowing that EVERYTHING that happens here will be nothing compared to the wonderful things we'll experience in heaven. That nothing satan throws at us will matter..... that the love that God gives us is the most important thing..... That we can rest on the fact that it is all worth it in the end.......
I guess we have to start with what joy is... The dictionary states it is something that brings great pleasure and happiness. Ok, I get that. But how can you find joy in the midst of strife? Let's see what the Biblical scholars say... The happy state that results in knowing and serving God. Yeah, ok, that makes a lot more sense! So by serving God, even deep in the pit, I can find joy. So when I see someone suffering and I seek to help them, even on my "bad days" I'm finding joy. When I offer up myself to do God's will and whatever He asks of me, I find joy. When life hands me lemons, God shows me His version of lemonade... pure joy.
So today was awful. My teen hurt her knee... the doctor's office called an hour before her appointment to tell me they couldn't see her because she turned 18... the doctor at the clinic we went to couldn't give us crutches and prescribed some, but no one could help us.... I got hit with the migraine to end all migraines and ended up puking.... the kids were punks.... just one of those days. We've had a few of those days lately. In the midst of it though, I heard from the family we helped a few weeks ago, and they have moved to Eureka Springs and are praising God for the blessings in the midst of their troubles. The other family travelling home to Idaho made it safe and sound with the provisions that God gave them. A great friend sent me a reminder of the teaching this weekend..... Our pastor preached on the "light afflictions" that occur in our lives that lead to the "eternal weight of glory." This really struck me. In fact, it has been my mantra since Saturday night. Light afflictions equals lemons and strife while eternal weight of glory equals joy.... pure joy. The joy of knowing that EVERYTHING that happens here will be nothing compared to the wonderful things we'll experience in heaven. That nothing satan throws at us will matter..... that the love that God gives us is the most important thing..... That we can rest on the fact that it is all worth it in the end.......
Monday, January 16, 2012
Walking
How do you know if you are on the right path? Is it a feeling? Or the things that happen? Is it a gaining of something? What clues you in?
For me, the path I've been on for the last few years hasn't been easy. It's gotten harder and harder the closer I've gotten to God. I struggle with whether I'm following His will or mine at times. Sometimes it's hard to hear what He's asking me to do. Other times, though, it's so very clear.
It's been almost a year since He told me to quit my job during an intense prayer day. Even then, I questioned it. His response? "Daughter, why are you doubting me? Have I not taken care of you this entire time?" WHOA.... What do you say to that??? Uh, yes, sir... You have. And You do. So despite the fact that we would become a family with no "real" income, I quit my job. It was one of the hardest things I've done. However, the blessings that have happened in the last year have been unbelievable.
We've had many things go wrong, and many people look down on us for not doing what we "should" be doing. The thing they don't understand is we don't live life for the world. We live life for God, and for the promise that we will be with Him when this life is done. The choices we make are based on prayer and trying our hardest to live life for Him, and not ourselves. In the last year, I've gotten closer to Him than I've ever been before. We've had really difficult times, but the joys of knowing God is with us and giving us exactly what we need when we need it has been awesome. When I doubt, He shows me how silly I am. When I question, He gives me an answer, usually in the most unbelievable way. When I'm sad, He shows me love. When I'm happy, He shows me even more love.
I prayed one night for direction, that I wanted to be doing what He wants me to do. The next day, my good friend Kathy called me and asked if I would join her and Jen, who I was also friends with but didn't know very well, in a Discipleship class. Talk about God's timing being perfect!!! We began our study, and while I still think I am very young in my faith, this has brought me closer and closer to Him. It has also brought me closer to them, and they have become some of my best friends. When I have a problem, they are among the first I call, if not the first. We have grown closer in our faith, and closer in our relationship. Satan attacks us constantly, and it's almost funny sometimes to see it coming. They always seem to be when we are in a crucial moment of learning how to be closer to God. For instance, Saturday at lunch our girls, 5 and 6, asked to be baptized, to die to self and live life for Jesus. That night, Jonah started puking. We always meet on Tuesdays, and this week Jen's daughters are sick. In the last few months, we've all battled intense migraines, illnesses that should only last a few days that last for weeks, and struggles with kids, family and friends. And yeah, I get that the average person is probably rolling their eyes right now and saying, "Really, Mel, everyone deals with that kind of stuff". But.... when you live life for God, you KNOW when it's Satan. And you know how to battle him. You pray. And pray. And pray..... pray without ceasing.
I never knew what that meant til I got closer to Him. Now I get it. And He brings me closer and closer to Him each day. He's showing me how He wants me to serve Him. He's showing me where He wants me to go. I feel like I'm walking to Ninevah. I have NO idea what our Ninevah will be, but I know we are headed that way, so I'll keep walking. And the more I walk, the closer I'll get. Wanna walk with me? It's pretty easy, but it's also pretty hard. You'll face good times and bad. You'll be on the receiving end of happiness and sadness. You'll question and wonder. You'll receive answers, but sometimes not the ones you want. But through it all, you'll know you are headed to something wonderful!!!
For me, the path I've been on for the last few years hasn't been easy. It's gotten harder and harder the closer I've gotten to God. I struggle with whether I'm following His will or mine at times. Sometimes it's hard to hear what He's asking me to do. Other times, though, it's so very clear.
It's been almost a year since He told me to quit my job during an intense prayer day. Even then, I questioned it. His response? "Daughter, why are you doubting me? Have I not taken care of you this entire time?" WHOA.... What do you say to that??? Uh, yes, sir... You have. And You do. So despite the fact that we would become a family with no "real" income, I quit my job. It was one of the hardest things I've done. However, the blessings that have happened in the last year have been unbelievable.
We've had many things go wrong, and many people look down on us for not doing what we "should" be doing. The thing they don't understand is we don't live life for the world. We live life for God, and for the promise that we will be with Him when this life is done. The choices we make are based on prayer and trying our hardest to live life for Him, and not ourselves. In the last year, I've gotten closer to Him than I've ever been before. We've had really difficult times, but the joys of knowing God is with us and giving us exactly what we need when we need it has been awesome. When I doubt, He shows me how silly I am. When I question, He gives me an answer, usually in the most unbelievable way. When I'm sad, He shows me love. When I'm happy, He shows me even more love.
I prayed one night for direction, that I wanted to be doing what He wants me to do. The next day, my good friend Kathy called me and asked if I would join her and Jen, who I was also friends with but didn't know very well, in a Discipleship class. Talk about God's timing being perfect!!! We began our study, and while I still think I am very young in my faith, this has brought me closer and closer to Him. It has also brought me closer to them, and they have become some of my best friends. When I have a problem, they are among the first I call, if not the first. We have grown closer in our faith, and closer in our relationship. Satan attacks us constantly, and it's almost funny sometimes to see it coming. They always seem to be when we are in a crucial moment of learning how to be closer to God. For instance, Saturday at lunch our girls, 5 and 6, asked to be baptized, to die to self and live life for Jesus. That night, Jonah started puking. We always meet on Tuesdays, and this week Jen's daughters are sick. In the last few months, we've all battled intense migraines, illnesses that should only last a few days that last for weeks, and struggles with kids, family and friends. And yeah, I get that the average person is probably rolling their eyes right now and saying, "Really, Mel, everyone deals with that kind of stuff". But.... when you live life for God, you KNOW when it's Satan. And you know how to battle him. You pray. And pray. And pray..... pray without ceasing.
I never knew what that meant til I got closer to Him. Now I get it. And He brings me closer and closer to Him each day. He's showing me how He wants me to serve Him. He's showing me where He wants me to go. I feel like I'm walking to Ninevah. I have NO idea what our Ninevah will be, but I know we are headed that way, so I'll keep walking. And the more I walk, the closer I'll get. Wanna walk with me? It's pretty easy, but it's also pretty hard. You'll face good times and bad. You'll be on the receiving end of happiness and sadness. You'll question and wonder. You'll receive answers, but sometimes not the ones you want. But through it all, you'll know you are headed to something wonderful!!!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Strong Enough
So I was listening to the radio on the way to the grocery store this morning, and Strong Enough by Matthew West came on. I've heard it before but had not really listened to it. So I cranked it up and started singing along, and the lyrics just hit me...
Lord, I'm not strong enough for everything we're going through, and I feel like we're at rock bottom already. We've been looking up for sometime and have seen some amazing blessings come through, so we know we're following Your will. In the last year and a half... two years really when it all began to "go downhill"... we've been blessed more times than we can count. The kids have had the best Christmases they've ever had during our rock bottom.This year, we were even able to help another family who is struggling. Ben and I have grown stronger together, with You at the utmost center of our relationship. Our necessities have been covered... utilities and rent, groceries, vehicles... even through repossession, illness, car repairs and being flat broke. Just when we think, "Ok, how is this going to come together?" YOU make it happen. Not us, You. You work through Your people... people who don't even follow you yet, people who are living the life you've called them to, and people who are just getting started.
I know You have an amazing plan for us. I see it unfolding and am prepared for whatever You are asking of us. I want to do Your will. I love how You are using us to shine Your glory. My prayer is that we continue to be open to what changes may come. That even when things get harder, which I'm certain they will, that You give us the strength to go on. That we remember that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, and that when people look at us, they don't see us, they see You. I pray that our life is a beacon to others to follow You, no matter what happens or how hard it gets and that they can do what You ask of them, joyfully. Thank You Lord Jesus, for loving us and trusting in us. Thank You for bringing us to things that are impossible for us to do on our own, and teaching us to trust in You. Thank You for allowing us to be an example, even if we think we aren't a very good one. I know that You know what is best.....
Lord, I'm not strong enough for everything we're going through, and I feel like we're at rock bottom already. We've been looking up for sometime and have seen some amazing blessings come through, so we know we're following Your will. In the last year and a half... two years really when it all began to "go downhill"... we've been blessed more times than we can count. The kids have had the best Christmases they've ever had during our rock bottom.This year, we were even able to help another family who is struggling. Ben and I have grown stronger together, with You at the utmost center of our relationship. Our necessities have been covered... utilities and rent, groceries, vehicles... even through repossession, illness, car repairs and being flat broke. Just when we think, "Ok, how is this going to come together?" YOU make it happen. Not us, You. You work through Your people... people who don't even follow you yet, people who are living the life you've called them to, and people who are just getting started.
I know You have an amazing plan for us. I see it unfolding and am prepared for whatever You are asking of us. I want to do Your will. I love how You are using us to shine Your glory. My prayer is that we continue to be open to what changes may come. That even when things get harder, which I'm certain they will, that You give us the strength to go on. That we remember that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us, and that when people look at us, they don't see us, they see You. I pray that our life is a beacon to others to follow You, no matter what happens or how hard it gets and that they can do what You ask of them, joyfully. Thank You Lord Jesus, for loving us and trusting in us. Thank You for bringing us to things that are impossible for us to do on our own, and teaching us to trust in You. Thank You for allowing us to be an example, even if we think we aren't a very good one. I know that You know what is best.....
Listening to Him....
I've thought a lot about what I would write if I decided to tell the story about what God's done in our life. Where do I start? I'm not a writer. At the beginning or in the middle? I'm not totally sure... so I'm praying constantly as I write this, and God will guide my words. This week has been an amazing testimony to what He can do for us. Last Friday, we served at Laundry Love (for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a volunteering opportunity in which quarters, soap and all the needs for doing laundry are provided by volunteers, and our group prepares and serves a meal to those who could use a little love once a month... it's a fun awesome way to serve!) We had the best experience we've ever had. We met a couple, H & M, and their four kids, ages 12, 4, 2 1/2 and 1. The 12 year old came up to us before we started and asked if there was something he could do to help. We said sure, and set him up with gloves and showed him what we would be doing. He worked with us until the "stragglers" came through the line and then got himself food. In the meantime, we had figured out he was H & M's son, and the three sweet little ones were his siblings. We were amazed to watch them sit on their blanket and eat every bite of their food, quietly and calmly. Unusual for such small kids, you know? H & M came through the line and then asked if they could have seconds. The little guys got seconds too. It was about this time that we all realized they were very hungry and needed a little more love than we usually dish out each month. Once everyone had come through the line and gotten seconds if they wanted them, we packed up the food to send home with them. Their 12 year old came and asked if they could have some. We told him we were fixing them up, to not worry. Have I mentioned what a sweet, well mannered child he was??? One of the ladies in our group went to the grocery store to buy them some more food, and we left one bag out on the table, like we usually do, in case someone else was hungry. For the first time ever, that bag sat there.... and sat there.... and sat there. One lady came up to tell us how good the food was that night, and we offered it to her. She declined, saying maybe there was someone who needed it more. That NEVER happens. Usually when we put food out, it's scooped up faster than we can bag it up! So while K was at the grocery store, I talked with H & M to find out their story. They moved here from a town a couple of hours away in the hopes of being able to find better work. They had a home lined up, but that fell through when they got here. They moved into a motel with their four kids and have been hitting food banks, selling items, and doing what they could to make it. He had found a job with a temp agency, but they laid him off right before Christmas and as of this week, had not been able to go back. There'll be more to that story shortly. She's been looking for work too, but they can't afford to work a minimum wage job and pay for child care. For Christmas, she got on Craigslist and asked people for used toys that were in good shape. She said the kids had one of the best Christmases they've ever had. They had no idea Laundry Love was going on when they got there... they saw the sign after they came in, and then were amazed to be receiving a meal as well. When K got back, we gave them everything and also the lone bag that was left on the table. We got their telephone numbers and exchanged names, and I asked if it would be ok to call them and see how they were doing. They hugged us, the little kids too, which was really sweet and told us how thankful they were that we were there. On Monday, I called to invite them to our weekly Bible study, and asked if there was anything they needed. H told me she hated to ask, but was out of milk and eggs and hadn't heard from the DHS office yet.... they had applied a month ago. I took them what they needed and talked a little more, and scoped out the size of their fridge and where they were living. We made plans to go grocery shopping when I got my money on Wednesday, even though we didn't really have a lot to use. We figured God would provide what we needed later on. They were excited about coming over, so we set it up and I gave them directions, then came home and emailed and called our group to set up the meal. K came over that evening to bring stuff for us to prepare for dinner and told me she had news. She had asked to borrow her boss's Sams card so she could shop in bulk, and explained why when he asked. He gave her his Visa card and told her to get what they needed for groceries for a month! Praise the Lord!!! He answered the need we had before it even became an issue as well as providing more than what we could have for them!!! They came over early to play and offered to help cook, as the kids played and we chatted about life. Then we had a wonderful taco meal and began Bible study. They jumped right in and participated. It was awesome! We finalized plans to get together Wednesday after my teenager got home to watch my kids.
Wednesday afternoon, another friend from our group called to see if we could come look at the van of a family she had met that day. They were travelling home to Idaho and were broken down. The mom has a kidney infection and was very sick. She was travelling with her 14 year old son, her daughter, and her daughter's husband. We couldn't fix the van, so we set out to help them in other ways. While my friend was taking them to walmart to get their oil changed, I called another friend to see if she had any ideas, and her husband met us to give them some cash for food. Between them, we were able to get them enough for a cheap hotel room, gas money for the trip, and groceries while they traveled. They were able to leave the next day, praising God for blessing them by meeting my friend and all of us working together to meet their needs. I called H and told her what was going on, and made plans to meet up with her shortly thereafter. We went to the grocery store and were able to fill her cart up with necessities for a week! On the way home, she told me again how thankful they were that they had met us. We talked about how God works to bring people together to lean on and help each other. M had gone in to work, only to be told he'd just wasted his gas money getting there as they did not need him, so we were brought into their lives at exactly the right time.
Isn't it amazing how God works sometimes? We've been serving at Laundry Love for a while now, about 18 months. This was the first time He spoke to us about a particular family and said, "These are my people. Love on them." The blessings we've had from meeting them have been unfathomable. They are coming to our church tomorrow and are very excited about it. We talked about how God lives in each one of us, and how Jesus taught us to love one another. "Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me." Some people make excuses as to why they couldn't help in a situation such as this. We accepted what God asked us to do, and were able to bless two families in one week and experience God's love for everyone. It doesn't matter if you are poor, tattooed, pierced or homeless..... God loves each and every one of us. He doesn't discriminate and is aching for us to follow His example and love our fellow men. If we can do this when we have "nothing" to give, what's stopping you? It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, you have something to offer to someone... It may be nothing more than a "Hey, how ARE you?"..... or seeing a need and meeting it financially or physically. You are a follower of God, therefore you are equipped to give. A book I'm reading said God gave us one mouth and two ears, and we should use them accordingly. Are you stopping to listen to Him? Are you asking Him what He wants you to do, and then hearing what He tells you? Can you hear Him? If you follow Jesus, you know His teachings, and you know He wants you to love. How do you show that love? How do you let God's glory shine through you? It starts with prayer. Ask Him to show you what He wants of you, then sit quietly and listen. Receiving a blessing is awesome, but being able to allow God to use you to give a blessing, that's the best thing in the world! Knowing that you are obeying God is worth more than anything this world has to offer. Are you ready to do that? To obey is to show Him you love Him too. He honors His promises to those who obey Him. So take some time, quiet your world and pray. Let Him speak to you.... It will be the best thing you've ever done!!!
Wednesday afternoon, another friend from our group called to see if we could come look at the van of a family she had met that day. They were travelling home to Idaho and were broken down. The mom has a kidney infection and was very sick. She was travelling with her 14 year old son, her daughter, and her daughter's husband. We couldn't fix the van, so we set out to help them in other ways. While my friend was taking them to walmart to get their oil changed, I called another friend to see if she had any ideas, and her husband met us to give them some cash for food. Between them, we were able to get them enough for a cheap hotel room, gas money for the trip, and groceries while they traveled. They were able to leave the next day, praising God for blessing them by meeting my friend and all of us working together to meet their needs. I called H and told her what was going on, and made plans to meet up with her shortly thereafter. We went to the grocery store and were able to fill her cart up with necessities for a week! On the way home, she told me again how thankful they were that they had met us. We talked about how God works to bring people together to lean on and help each other. M had gone in to work, only to be told he'd just wasted his gas money getting there as they did not need him, so we were brought into their lives at exactly the right time.
Isn't it amazing how God works sometimes? We've been serving at Laundry Love for a while now, about 18 months. This was the first time He spoke to us about a particular family and said, "These are my people. Love on them." The blessings we've had from meeting them have been unfathomable. They are coming to our church tomorrow and are very excited about it. We talked about how God lives in each one of us, and how Jesus taught us to love one another. "Whatever you do for the least of these, you do for me." Some people make excuses as to why they couldn't help in a situation such as this. We accepted what God asked us to do, and were able to bless two families in one week and experience God's love for everyone. It doesn't matter if you are poor, tattooed, pierced or homeless..... God loves each and every one of us. He doesn't discriminate and is aching for us to follow His example and love our fellow men. If we can do this when we have "nothing" to give, what's stopping you? It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, you have something to offer to someone... It may be nothing more than a "Hey, how ARE you?"..... or seeing a need and meeting it financially or physically. You are a follower of God, therefore you are equipped to give. A book I'm reading said God gave us one mouth and two ears, and we should use them accordingly. Are you stopping to listen to Him? Are you asking Him what He wants you to do, and then hearing what He tells you? Can you hear Him? If you follow Jesus, you know His teachings, and you know He wants you to love. How do you show that love? How do you let God's glory shine through you? It starts with prayer. Ask Him to show you what He wants of you, then sit quietly and listen. Receiving a blessing is awesome, but being able to allow God to use you to give a blessing, that's the best thing in the world! Knowing that you are obeying God is worth more than anything this world has to offer. Are you ready to do that? To obey is to show Him you love Him too. He honors His promises to those who obey Him. So take some time, quiet your world and pray. Let Him speak to you.... It will be the best thing you've ever done!!!
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