To Do Or Not To Do, That Is The Question

So it's 1:30 in the morning and I can't sleep. I've been laying in bed, reading the Bible, talking to Papa. We've had lots of conversations lately. He's convicted me to change the way I view stuff. Stuff like stress and rest, clutter and organization, being alone and being loved.

You see, I have this nasty habit. It's called overdoing it. I overdo and over think and over analyze until I'm a crazed wreck of a woman. He's been showing me how I've always been that way, and His way is different. I'm a difficult student. I don't learn my lessons easily. I have to be repeatedly thumped in the head, especially when it comes to the overdoing part of things. Once again, I have pushed myself too much. I am in pain, and it's my own fault. Why can't I learn this lesson? He specifically told me to stop: "Stop doing too much and leaving no time for Me. Stop trying to make it all work on your own. My way is easier. My way is better. My way is the ONLY way."

So why don't I get it? I'm human. I think I know everything. I always think, today... today is the day I will be able to do everything I want to get done and I will feel great. I know I shouldn't. I know that every single time I push myself too far, I suffer the consequences. I begin to hurt, and then I don't sleep, which causes the next day to be bad, and the cycle continues until I find myself stuck in bed, unable to function. Why can't I just listen the first time?

Don't get me wrong... I do rest. Just not enough, or maybe I should say often enough. But then I have days like today where I feel the need to do and do and do. I traveled to Tulsa and back the last two days, and while that is a relatively short trip, for me, it's hard. I know better than to push too hard the next day. Well, I should know better anyway... But what did I do? I "pushed through" the pain and ended up pushing too hard.

One of my sweet sistas even told me yesterday to rest today. Instead, I listened to "Queen Melissa" and cleaned part of the garage, finished up laundry, straightened up the house and sorted through the girls' clothes... then attempted to ride my bike. How many times do I have to be thumped over the head? Apparently a lot. I really should listen.

In searching my Bible tonight about rest,  I found these verses:

Hebrews 4: 9-11 “Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.”

Deuteronomy 28:15  "But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you."

 Ouch.... I'm being disobedient. Crap. So what do I do? I go back to The Word to find out what He says about obedience....

Luke 6:46 "Why do you call me, "Lord, Lord, and do not do what I say?"

John 14:15  “If you love me, you will keep my commandments."

James 1:22 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says"

Ok Papa, I'm listening. Lord please forgive me for my disobedience. Please help me to obey. Show me what I am to do each day, and I will do no more than what You ask. Thank you for showing me my sins. Thank you for forgiving me, and for bringing a wonderful family and Sweet Sistas to remind me to listen and be obedient. Help me when I stumble Lord, and lift me up out of the mire of mess I have created. Show me Your plans, and guide me through them. Thank you Papa... I love you!


So Dear Friends and Family, if you see me doing instead of resting, remind me it's a sin and I'm deceiving myself. Pray for me, that I will be obedient to His plan and stop relying on my own. And if you have to, if I don't seem to be getting it... A little thump just might be what I need.