Monday, April 9, 2012

When bad stuff happens...

You know, sometimes bad stuff happens to people. Bad stuff happened to me. For the sake of those involved, I won't go into what it was. Let's just say it happened, and it was awful, and afterwards I made some insanely wrong choices. Things that, looking back on my life now, I can't believe I did.

I have known for some time that God was going to be using my story. I just wasn't sure how. I forgave those who harmed me years ago, but didn't really understand forgiveness until three years ago when our church went through a Bible study called Draw Near. The forgiveness week really opened my eyes to what it really was, and that it was ok to be mad sometimes. I also realized that sometimes, you have to forgive yourself as well as others. This was a hard concept for me. I am my own worst critic. The next year, we went through Life's Hurts, Habits and Hangups. I realized that there was still stuff I needed to deal with. So I did. Prayer is a very powerful thing (in case you haven't gotten that from my previous posts!) and God responds in amazing ways when we pray. Sometimes it's not exactly the answer we want, but when it comes to forgiveness, He does listen and He does respond. Throughout all of this, I knew He was gearing me up for something big.


I do have to admit that for a while now, and at times rather impatiently, I've wondered what the "something big" was going to be. Honestly, I'm still not sure. I do know that it is closer now than it has ever been. In the last few weeks, I have had many opportunities to share my story. At times just a tiny part... at others the whole awful thing. The harm done, the bad choices I made because of the harm, and the most important thing of all...... how God has redeemed me, and taken me to a place of such peace and love that I feel beautiful and wonderfully made. He has shown me through my life what the following scriptures mean:

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I know that in ALL things, He has a plan to give me hope and a future. He can use my weaknesses to showcase His power. When He does, it is beyond awesome! In sharing my story over the last few weeks, those I spoke to were amazed that the woman standing before them was the woman who had been through so much and made so many mistakes. I used alcohol, sex, and numerous drugs to medicate myself and numb the pain that I had. I used people. I was not the "nice girl" I was known as. It was a lie. I didn't think anyone, especially God, would want to know the "real me" because she was messed up. I believed a lie. A lie told to me by the enemy that I accepted hook, line and sinker.

It has taken many years for me to know what is a lie and what is truth. The truth is, Jesus LOVES me. Me. All of me.... the good, the bad, and everything in between. He can use me and my weaknesses to show people that you can come back to Him, no matter how awful you think you were or how much you don't "deserve" His love. He died on the cross for our sins, because He LOVES us. You. Me. All of us... the good, the bad, and everything in between. He WILL forgive us for our sins, if we just ask Him.

We all have a story to tell. He can use our stories in so many ways. He can use us in so many ways. For me, it has started out small. I'm about to take a big step that I have a feeling will lead to sharing in a really big, scary for me, way. However, I know that if that is where He is leading me, then it will be awesome and He will be beside me every step of the way. I also know that He has put some pretty amazing people in my life to support me and remind me of His LOVE if I forget. Or maybe when I forget. Cause let's face it. The enemy doesn't want us to know that Jesus loves us and that He wants us. He'd rather remind us of our faults and failings and try to separate us from Jesus' love. He will attack us with everything he can, and when that happens, I know I can call on my prayer warriors to help me pray. I know that all I have to do is cry, "Abba, Father" and He will be there.

So what's your story? How can He use it to further His kingdom? Don't be afraid to ask Him. Trust that He knows what He's laid before you and just how awesome that path is going to be......

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